


[DISCONTINUED] Camelot Geeks and the Knights of the Oblong Table

by jasminum_draconis



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Attempt at Humor, Can someone please give gwaine a hug?, Family Drama, Humor, Multi, Texting, i might revisit in future but it will be like a 'second draft' of this kinda thing, no magic, text!fic, this will never get another update
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-14
Updated: 2020-02-15
Packaged: 2020-05-07 10:36:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 14,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19207636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jasminum_draconis/pseuds/jasminum_draconis
Summary: PanDragon:OkayPanDragon:Its official guysPanDragon:We now have conclusive proof that morgana is evilSir Lance:I am almost afraid to ask.





	1. The Glitter Incident

**Author's Note:**

> Taking a break from angsty writing and real life. Idk... 
> 
> Knights of the Oblong Table:  
> Arthur Pendragon (PanDragon)  
> Lance du Lac (Sir Lance)  
> Percival Kelchglas (tankthetop)  
> Leon Aldor (Leon)  
> Gwaine Verde (gin-n-tonic)  
> Elyan Smith (L-nyan)
> 
> Ouija Board Bitches:  
> Morgana le Fay (scream my name)  
> Guinevere Smith (Queenevere)  
> Merlin Emrys (pointyWizardry)

**Knights of the Oblong Table:**

**PanDragon:** Okay  
**PanDragon:**  Its official guys  
**PanDragon:** We now have conclusive proof that morgana is evil

 **Sir Lance:**  I am almost afraid to ask.

 **tankthetop:**  yeah I don’t see how she could possibly top the x-box incident

 **gin-n-tonic:** im genuinely scared

 **Leon:** Uh oh…  
**Leon:** Please tell me she didn’t

 **PanDragon:** DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS?!

 **Leon:**  NO!  
**Leon:**  Well… Sorta?  
**Leon:**  I might have seen her Amazon basket. 

 **PanDragon:**  LEON!!!  
**PanDragon:** I am going to KILL YOU!

 **Sir Lance:**  Guys

 **PanDragon:**  I am going to kill you and frame her

 **Sir Lance:** What did she do?

 **PanDragon:**  SHE GLITTER BOMBED MY CLOSET!

 **tankthetop:** …

 **Sir Lance:** …

 **gin-n-tonic:** i was right to be scared

 **Leon:**  Its worse than I thought

 **PanDragon:**  Its everywhere.  
**PanDragon:** My jersey is covered in glitter  
**PanDragon:**  Im gonna look like a bloody disco ball tomorrow!

 **tankthetop:**  is the word play intentional?  
**tankthetop:** because if it is…

 **PanDragon:**  OH GOD ITS IN MY SOCK DRAWER TOO!

 **gin-n-tonic:** what about your underwear

 **PanDragon:**  FUCK!  
**PanDragon:** THAT TOO!  
**PanDragon:**  That bitch is dead!

 **Sir Lance:** I thought Leon was dead

 **Leon:**  Thx Lance

 **Sir Lance:** Always at your service ;)

 **PanDragon:**  Staged murder-suicide  
**PanDragon:** Obviously  
**PanDragon:** You know i bet i could get morgana to actually kill leon

 **gin-n-tonic:** true  
**gin-n-tonic:** but shed get away with it

 **PanDragon:** Yeah youre right…

 **Leon:**  Okay I am afraid for my life rn

 **tankthetop:**  there was glitter involved and you kept quiet  
**tankthetop:** you did this to yourself  
**tankthetop:** seriously tho. the world play?

 **PanDragon:**  … its in my hair  
**PanDragon:**  And she’s LAUGHING AT ME!

 **tankthetop:**  answer the question

 **PanDragon:**  What? Idk  
**PanDragon:**  Wait lemme ask

 **Leon:** Even if so ive seen the them do more insensitive things to each other

 **PanDragon:**  Im not exactly in the closet percy. I mean look at my name.  
**PanDragon:**  She says it was a funny bonus  
**PanDragon:**  I think she just fell on the floor laughing  
**PanDragon:**  Besides im plotting to frame her for murder rn so…

 **Leon:**  NOT FUNNY

 **tankthetop:** so youre not offended?  
**tankthetop:** id be offended

 **gin-n-tonic:** yea but its you  
**gin-n-tonic:** nobodyd do that after the whole debacle, cmon  
**gin-n-tonic:**  besides youd snap them like a twig if someone did.

 **L-nyan:** Whoaaaaa…

 **Sir Lance:**  Hey, Elyan

 **L-nyan:**  Sorry I missed all the excitement

 **PanDragon:**  Dont you dare  
**PanDragon:** I know guinevere must have told you about this

 **L-nyan:**  Maybe…

 **PanDragon:**  Double murder suicide

 **L-nyan:**  I can make it up to you

 **PanDragon:**  You most CERTAINLY CANNOT!

 **L-nyan:**  Give her a hug  
**L-nyan:** That way she’d be all glittery too  
**L-nyan:**  And Leon!

 **PanDragon:** K i forgive you  
**PanDragon:** Brb

 **Leon:** I hate all of you

 **Sir Lance:** I mean you could just not snog arthurs technically-sister

 **tankthetop:** true

 **Leon:** Shut up, Lance!

 **Sir Lance:** <3 

* * *

**Ouija Board Bitches:**

**scream my name:**  HAHAHA  
**scream my name:** I am the QUEEN OF REVENGE!!!

 **pointyWizardry:**  You did it?!

 **Queenevere:**  Oh my god  
**Queenevere:** How was it

 **scream my name:** Ah, my darling Guinevere…  
**scream my name:** It was… Now, how shall I put it?

 **pointyWizardry:**  Punctuation. Mustve been good

 **scream my name:** Good?  
**scream my name:** It was amazing.  
**scream my name:** It was beautiful!  
**scream my name:** It was the most breathtakingly sparkling, supremely evil thing in revenge history with just a whisper of gay to spice it up.

 **pointyWizardry:** Well even so we’re all going to be cleaning glitter out of our asses until we graduate from uni.

 **scream my name:** And it was WORTH IT!  
**scream my name:** Crap gotta go

 **Queenevere:**  Damn i hadnt even thought of that  
**Queenevere:**  You know arthurs gonna retaliate  
**Queenevere:** The odds of not getting caught up in the middle is about -2

 **pointyWizardry:**  Yeap  
**pointyWizardry:** We’re fucked

 **Queenevere:** Cheers…


	2. The Party: Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **pointyWizardry:** No, we most _certainly_ are not.
> 
>  **scream my name:** Yes, we _absolutely_ are.
> 
>  **pointyWizardry:** You'd need to get me at gunpoint, Le Fay.
> 
>  **scream my name:** Don’t think I won’t, Emrys!

**Ouja Board Bitches:**

**scream my name:**  Stop whatever youre doing and listen up because im about to blow your minds!

 **Queenevere:**  This should be good

 **pointyWizardry:** Have you noticed you always start like that when you have something excruciating planned?

 **scream my name:** We're going to freya muridens party!

 **pointyWizardry:** No were not

 **scream my name:** Yes we are

 **pointyWizardry:** No, we most _certainly_ are not.

 **scream my name:** Yes, we _absolutely_ are.

 **pointyWizardry:**  You'd need to get me at gunpoint, Le Fay.

 **scream my name:** Don’t think I won’t, Emrys!

 **Queenevere:** Ill go

 **scream my name:**  YES! Gwen I love you!

 **pointyWizardry:** Im still not going

 **scream my name:** Why the hell not?!

 **pointyWizardry:** Because im an antisocial weirdo  
**pointyWizardry:**  Antisocial weirdos do not go to parties on saturday nights  
**pointyWizardry:**  Antisocial weirdos sit at home binge reading that one fic that hasnt updated in like two years because maybe this time it'll come back.  
**pointyWizardry:** Antisocial weirdos listen to game music as they try to make consistent world guides to inconsistent worlds of bbc dramas.  
**pointyWizardry:** Oh and antisocial weirdos play dnd with their friends.  
**pointyWizardry:** Remember? 

 **scream my name:** I know, but it's House Avalon and Freya Muriden!

 ** ** **Queenevere:**  ****Come on merlin you never go out with us **  
Queenevere:**  We could play on sunday

 **scream my name:**  Yeah!  
**scream my name:** And maybe we'll meet someone who wants to join?

 **pointyWizardry:** At a party in house avalon?

 **Queenevere:** Well were gonna be there  
**Queenevere:** Other geeks might be too  
**Queenevere:** Like elyan hes gonna be there

 **pointyWizardry:** You can go! Ill just do the other antisocial weirdo things.

 **Queenevere:** But it will be so much more fun with you there

 **scream my name:** Come on, Merlin.   
**scream my name:** Think of how many idiots we'll get to make fun of.

 **pointyWizardry:**  You make an excelent point  
**pointyWizardry:**  Do I have your word we'll play on sunday?

 **scream my name:** Yes! Plus Uthers going out of town on sunday

 **Queenevere:** Im slightly concerned that  _that_ is what convinces you

 **pointyWizardry:** You should change your name to Cinnamonroll

* * *

**Knights of the Oblong Table:**

**Sir Lance:** So everyones coming to the party right?

 **tankthetop:** yes

 **Leon:** Yeah

 **gin-n-tonic:** ye

 **L-nyan:** yes

 **PanDragon:** Yeah yeah  
**PanDragon:**  Leon is your bog witch of a girlfriend gonna be there?

 **Leon:** ...Yes?

 **PanDragon:** Excellent

 **Leon:** Arthur dont  
**Leon:** I want to spend time with girlfriend without your nonsense for once in my life

 **tankthetop:** youre the one dating a bog witch

 **gin-n-tonic:** arent your parents away? take her to your place  
**gin-n-tonic:** you can have all kinds of fun.

**Direct Message** (@L-nyan)

 **Sir Lance:** Here we go again...

 **L-nyan:** XD  
**L-nyan:** i literally made popcorn

 **Sir Lance:** What? Really?

 **L-nyan:** made it for the movie but this is more entertaining  
**L-nyan:** gwens giving me weird looks tho

 **Sir Lance:** I feel like I should have a drink I could obscenly sip from with a straw

 **L-nyan:** hahahahahaha 

 **Leon:**  Do you want me to hurt you? 

 **PanDragon:**  Okay the next time i see you im punching you in the throat

 **gin-n-tonic:** get your minds out of the gutter  
**gin-n-tonic:** i was just offering a solution  
**gin-n-tonic:** princess is not going to leave our fave bog witch alone otherwise  
**gin-n-tonic:** and leons gonna ditch us anyway

 **tankthetop:** whoa whoa whoa  
**tankthetop:** you better not be ditching us for a bog witch

 **Leon:** -.-   
**Leon:** Calling her a bog witch is not the way to convince me otherwise

 **PanDragon:** Okokokokokokok  
**PanDragon:** I'll back off until sunday if you hang with us

 **Leon:**  Im not ditching my girlfriend for you arthur!  
**Leon:** How about you dont ruin our night and i dont tell her youre planning something on sunday

 **L-nyan:**  selling out your gf for a night of snogging?  
**L-nyan:**  my my... what has happened to our sweet leon?

 **PanDragon:** How about I back off saturday and you tell her im planning something on sunday

 **Leon:**  ... But why?

 **PanDragon:** Thats my price

 **Leon:** No. I can keep my mouth shut but i draw the line at setting her up.   
**Leon:** How about a trade  
**Leon:**  A bottle of jack daniels for a night of peace

 **PanDragon:** Two

 **Leon:** Done 

 **Sir Lance:** I wonder how fast morgana would break up with you if she ever saw this chat.

* * *

**Direct Message** (@scream my name)

 **Leon:** Ok   
**Leon:** I got arthur to back off for the party

 **scream my name:** You didnt have to do that i can handle him

 **Leon:** I cant

 **scream my name:** :')  
**scream my name:** Howd you do it

 **Leon:** Promised him alcohol

 **scream my name:** Hahaha sounds about right  
**scream my name:** Btw gwens coming  
**scream my name:** And merlin!

 **Leon:** Really? Great!

 **scream my name:** You dont mind hanging out with them a little right?

 **Leon:** Of course not  
**Leon:**  I can give them a ride too :)

 **scream my name:** I love you

 **Leon:** I love you too


	3. The Party: Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **PanDragon:** Are we seriously talking about what that idiot wears
> 
>  **gin-n-tonic:** yea  
>  **gin-n-tonic:** we should talk about what he looks like out of them
> 
>  **PanDragon:** Not what i meant

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just FYI: I have no idea what they are using to talk. Its an imaginary app.
> 
> I was waiting to post this until I actually drew the images. But I haven't drawn regularly in a long time and they all came out super weird and not as well as I'm used to... So you get descriptions instead.

**Knights of the Oblong Table:**

**PanDragon:** [image: Leon's car driving away with Morgana in the front seat]  
**PanDragon:** BOOOO!  
**PanDragon:**  Traitor!

 **gin-n-tonic** : what happened to the knights honour leon? our solidarity!  
**gin-n-tonic:** was our brotherhood worth so little?!

 **tankthetip:** how could you abandon us for a bog witch!

 **L-nyan:** we love you too leon you don’t need her!

 **Sir Lace:**  We'll love you better than her!

 **PanDragon:**  I'm not touching what the bog witch has touched

 **Leon:**  Thanks lance im good

 ** ** **gin-n-tonic**** :** dont text n drive leon  
******gin-n-tonic**** :** its irresponsible  
******gin-n-tonic**** :** i expected better from you

 **Leon:** Im pulled over you styrofoam head 

 **PanDragon:** What why?

 **Leon:** Because it's rude to expect people to apparate into a moving car.

 ** **tankthetop:**  **who are you picking up?

 **Leon:** Merlin then Gwen

 **L-nyan:** wait.  
**L-nyan:** hes coming? i thought gwen was kidding

 **PanDragon:** Ill believe it when i see it  
**PanDragon:** That guys a hermit  
**PanDragon:** Im surprised he even shows up to school

* * *

**Direct message** (@pointyWizardry):

 **scream my name:** Get you butt down here emrys

 **pointyWizardry:** Promise me you wont abandon me with the hoomuns  
**pointyWizardry:** Hoomuns are very annoying and I might punch one

 **scream my name:** I promise for the ninth fucking time now GET DOWN HERE!!!!

 **pointyWizardry:** If I punch one it'll be on your head

 **scream my name:** OKAY! 

 **pointyWizardry:** Ok im coming down

 **scream my name:** You got dressed right?

 **pointyWizardry:** See for yourself ;)

* * *

**Leon:** [image: Merlin in the back seat, wearing tight white t-shirt, a distressed denim jacket and tight jeans, flipping off the camera]

 **tankthetop:** he cleans up good

 **gin-n-tonic:** told ya he was hot  
**gin-n-tonic:** none of you listened to me

 **tankthetop:** not when he wears geek shirts thatd be too big on  _me_

 **gin-n-tonic:**  whats it matter how he dresses he looks the same naked  
**gin-n-tonic:** also he wears anime merch

 **L-nyan:** he has this one death note one thats really cool  
**L-nyan:** actually they all are

 **tankthetop:** dont stink up the chat with geek

 **PanDragon:**  Hate to agree with percys bashing of death note but...  
**PanDragon:** Are we seriously talking about what that idiot wears

 **gin-n-tonic:** yea  
**gin-n-tonic:** we should talk about what he looks like out of them

 **PanDragon:** Not what i meant

 **tankthetop:** he looks like hes toned now that his clothes arent consuming him

 **Sir Lance:**  I can confirm that he is

 **tankthetop:** how the fuck can you confirm that

 **Sir Lance:**  Kick box

 **gin-n-tonic:**  AND YOU TELL THIS NOW?!  
**gin-n-tonic:**  Im signing up

 **L-nyan:** Also...  
**L-nyan:** [image: Merlin Gwen and Elyan selfie at the beach.]

 **tankthetop:**  *whistle*

 **gin-n-tonic:** holly mother of GOD

 **tankthetop:** it should be illegal for him to wear shirts

 **PanDragon:**  Ok enough with the merlin thirst

 **gin-n-tonic:** how can you not find that hot?

 **PanDragon:** Objectively sure  
**PanDragon:** But its hard to find anyone associated with Morgana attractive

 **Sir Lance:** Gwen is your ex girlfriend.

 **PanDragon:** Why do you feel the need to do that?


	4. Merlin and the Muridens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok... So double update apparently? Just as well, the Ouija Board Bitches weren't really in the last chapter.

**Ouija Board Bitches:**

**pointyWizardry:**  SOS  
**pointyWizardry:** EDWINS BACK!

 **Queenevere:**  ... Ew gross

 **pointyWizardry:**  IM TRAPPED IN THE BATHROOM!!!!

 **Queenevere:** What does that have to do with edwin?

 **pointyWizardry:** I HAVE TO PASS HIM TO LEAVE!!!  
**pointyWizardry:** HELP ME!!!

 **Queenevere:**  Im on it

 **pointyWizardry:**  Its not even break what is he doing here?  
**pointyWizardry:**  I never should have come  
**pointyWizardry:**  Im going home

 **scream my name:**  Youre going to let him ruin your night?  
**scream my name:**  You said you were having a good time 

 **pointyWizardry:**  Oh you caught that did you

 **scream my name:**  Yes  
**scream my name:**  Come on youre merlin emrys  
**scream my name:**  Youre the only person I know how has the balls to flip off Uther

 **pointyWizardry:**  Im going to be on edge all night. I want to leave

 **scream my name:** Why do you even care?

 **pointyWizardry:**  Don't.  
**pointyWizardry:** I don't have the energy to defend myself to you.  
**pointyWizardry:** Not everyone has exes like elena

 **scream my name:** Ok ok youre right im sorry  
**scream my name:** You want me to call you a cab?

 **pointyWizardry:** Yeah. Thanks.

 **scream my name:** Ill see you tomorrow right?

 **pointyWizardry:**  Yeah yeah im fine. I just dont want to be near him. Ever.

* * *

**Direct Message** (@pointyWizardry):

 **Leon:** You ok?  
**Leon:** You left really suddenly

 **pointyWizardry:** Yeah  
**pointyWizardry:** Just tired  
**pointyWizardry:** Too much socialising for one night  
**pointyWizardry:** Thanks for asking tho

 **Leon:** Did you have fun at least?  
**Leon:** I know the girls kinda dragged you along

 **pointyWizardry:**  Well tonight was the first time i saw morgana giggle so thats a definite yes  
**pointyWizardry:** You should hang out with the group more

 **Leon:** Yeah totally

 **pointyWizardry:** :)

* * *

****Direct Message**** (@Strawberry-Rose): **  
**

**pointyWizardry:** Hey its merlin

 **Strawberry-Rose:** Hi!

 **pointyWizardry:** It was great talking to you again. 

 ** **Strawberry-Rose:** **Yeah, it was.  
**Strawberry-Rose:** Sorry about Edwin again. If I'd known you were coming I would have told him to get lost.

 **pointyWizardry:** If i had known he was back in town i wouldnt have been there  
**pointyWizardry:** I'd just rather avoid his entire existance  
**pointyWizardry:** And that whole time

 **Strawberry-Rose:** I understand.

 **pointyWizardry:** ...   
**pointyWizardry:** Im acting like a total twat  
**pointyWizardry:** Im sorry i just... Idk what he told you but from my end it was Bad.  
**pointyWizardry:** I hadnt meant to cut you out too but...  
**pointyWizardry:** I mean hes your brother and it just happened...

 **Strawberry-Rose:** I wasn't trying to accuse you  
**Strawberry-Rose:** I really do understand- Or at least enough to know why you did it. I know my brother too well.

 **pointyWizardry:**  Youre the only part of the break up I regret. I never should have let us grow apart.  
**pointyWizardry:** I really miss you

 **Strawberry-Rose:** I miss you too.  
**Strawberry-Rose:** Me and Edwin have never really been the same after what he did to you.  
**Strawberry-Rose:** Just never really could look him the same way.

 **pointyWizardry:** I'm sorry.

 **Strawberry-Rose:** Please don't apologise. It wasn't your fault and it never will be. It's his own damn fault for being an asshole.

 **pointyWizardry:**  You have no idea how good it is to hear you say that.  
**pointyWizardry:**  Or... you know, read

 **Strawberry-Rose:**  Wish I had said it two years ago.

 **pointyWizardry:**  Never too late  
**pointyWizardry:** Actually speaking of not being too late. You still like dnd?

 **Strawberry-Rose:** Yeah. Why?

 **pointyWizardry:** We're starting a new campaign tomorrow at morganas. You wanna join?

 **Strawberry-Rose:** Oh my god, yes!  
**Strawberry-Rose:**  Nobody asks me to do fun stuff at school.

 **pointyWizardry:** It's the popular girl signal. They assume you're boring.

 **Strawberry-Rose:** I just like being nice...

 **pointyWizardry:** Yeah. Youre a lot like gwen. You need someone like Morgana to balance that out.  
**pointyWizardry:** Chaotic Mischief.  
**pointyWizardry:** Or ya know just wear merch. Haha

 **Strawberry-Rose:** I can never find anything good :/

 **pointyWizardry:** I'll help you look online tomorrow

 **Strawberry-Rose:**  Great! 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was a bit different.  
> What'd you think?


	5. The Gossipy Hens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **tankthetop:** well i mean he has nicer abs than you so...
> 
>  **PanDragon:** Take that back!
> 
>  **tankthetop:** i will do no such thing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clarification: They are all juniors and seniors and it’s the beginning of the school year.

**Knights of the Oblong Table:**

**PanDragon:**  Anyone up?

 **tankthetop:** me  
**tankthetop:** how the hell are YOU up?

 **PanDragon:**  Have you met my father?

 **tankthetop:**  never mind   
**tankthetop:** whats up

 **PanDragon:** Ok  
**PanDragon:**  What would you say if i told you freya muriden was in my living room rn

 **tankthetop:** bullshit

 **PanDragon:** Freya Muriden is in my living room.

 **tankthetop:** bullshit

 **PanDragon:** Siting on the big couch.

 **tankthetop:** bullshit

 **PanDragon:** Giggling and draped over merlin.

 **tankthetop:**...  
**tankthetop:** say wut

 **L-nyan:**????

 **PanDragon:** Yeah

 **L-nyan:** draped over how?

 **PanDragon:** Tf kind of a question is that? Im not gonna write smut for you!

 **L-nyan:** dfjkdfkjdfkjdfkj

 **tankthetop:** really arthur?  
**tankthetop:** how'd you get from 'too close on the couch' to 'smut'

 **PanDragon:** Whatever

 **L-nyan:** is he doing it back?  
**L-nyan:** do they look like they're dating?

 **PanDragon:** Idk but he doesnt do this with morgna thats for sure... 

 **tankthetop:** Isnt he gay?

 **PanDragon:** Bi

 **L-nyan:**  hjdfhdjfdhjdfhj

 **tankthetop:** we're gonna have to listen to you mope for a week arent we

 **PanDragon:** You could never have her anyway  
**PanDragon:** ... Although neither could merlin  
**PanDragon:** Wtf is happening to the world?

 **tankthetop:** well i mean he has nicer abs than you so...

 **PanDragon:** Take that back!

 **tankthetop:** i will do no such thing

 **PanDragon:** He is not hotter than me

 **tankthetop:** he is tho

 **L-nyan:** OMG WHO CARES?!   
**L-nyan:** you really think they're dating?

 **PanDragon:** He has his arm around her shoulders.

 **L-nyan:**  doesnt mean theyre dating... 

 **PanDragon:** The only person ive seen him hug was morgana and only because he didnt like it and shes a witch

 **tankthetop:** hate to break it to you buddy but i saw them together at the party too  
**tankthetop:** they hugged real long and he got into a cab

 **L-nyan:** T-T

 **Sir Lance:**  Theyre old friends  
**Sir Lance:** Like since birth

 **PanDragon:** I havent seen them speak to each other ONCE

 **Sir Lance:**  They had a falling out because of a break up  
**Sir Lance:** Not sure if it was theirs  
**Sir Lance:** Merlins pretty tight lipped about it

 **PanDragon:** They are practically cuddling

 **L-nyan:** Could it be her brother?

 **PanDragon:**  Probably not. Isnt he like old?

 **tankthetop:** three years isnt that unthinkable

 **PanDragon:** But two years ago?

 **Sir Lance:** More than. He'd be in 8th grade

 **L-nyan:** k probably not  
**L-nyan:** can you ask morgana

 **PanDragon:** Youre the infatuated one. Ask gwen

 **Sir Lance:** You really want them to know were gossiping about him? 

 **L-nyan:** yea  
**L-nyan:** you have probable cause  
**L-nyan:** theres no reason for me to ask something like that

 **PanDragon:** I guess we'll never know then

 **tankthetop:** well whadya know  
**tankthetop:** merlin emrys is interesing

 **Sir Lance:** You only say that because you think hes hot now

 **tankthetop:**  its cuz of all the mystery

 **Sir Lance:** Riiiiight

 **tankthetop:** hey! im not that shallow!

 **Sir Lance:** If you hadnt seen that photo, you wouldnt care  
**Sir Lance:**  Youd be sending barf emojis by now

 **tankthetop:** why are you suddenly picking on me?

 **PanDragon:** I dont like the guy but hes never been average.  
**PanDragon:** Youd have to be pretty selective in your perception to not see that.  
**PanDragon:** You noticing him NOW is pretty suspect

 **Sir Lance:** Exactly  
**Sir Lance:** Im being protective 

 **tankthetop:** so im not good enough for your precious geek?

 **Sir Lance:** You have as much a shot with him as elyan does with freya

 **tankthetop:** i dont want merlin!

 **PanDragon:** Now that is bullshit   

_...few hours later_

**Leon:** Cant believe this is why i had to wake up enough to mute my phone 

 **PanDragon:** How drunk did you get last night?

 **Leon:** Im not hung over  
**Leon:** I hit my head really hard

 **tankthetop:** that's what you get for abandoning us

 **Leon:** Hmm  
**Leon:** Just out of curiosity how long did you hang around before you found some sophomore to have your way with?

 **Sir Lance:**  20 minutes

 **Leon:**  Real loyal  
**Leon:** Btw you have no shot with merlin

 **tankthetop:**  i could have him if i wanted to

 **gin-n-tonic:** yeah... no. youre not his type

 **tankthetop:**  as opposed to who? you?

 **gin-n-tonic:** yes

 ** **tankthetop:****  oh please  
**tankthetop:** youve been drooling after him since he was a freshman  
**tankthetop:** if it hast happened yet, it ait gonna happen

 **gin-n-tonic:** i never said it didnt happen

 **PanDragon:** Come again?

 **Leon:**  Cant you read?

 **PanDragon:** Shut up leon  
**PanDragon:** You dated merlin?

 **gin-n-tonic:** no?  
**gin-n-tonic:** he doesn't date  
**gin-n-tonic:** why do you think i havent asked him out in the last two fucking years 

 **L-nyan:** so you dont think hes dating freya?

 **gin-n-tonic:** i know hes not

 **L-nyan:**  YES!

 ** ** **tankthetop**** :** you still dont have a shot

 **L-nyan:** i know just let me dream... 

 **Leon:** Why have you never told us?

 **gin-n-tonic:** i dont kiss and tell

 **L-nyan:**  yeah but its merlin...

 **gin-n-tonic:** he doesnt like me back end of story  
**gin-n-tonic:** anything else is only our business

 **PanDragon:** And yet you yap about how hot he is

 **gin-n-tonic:**  he is!

 **Sir Lance:** Wtf even I dont know this.  
**Sir Lance:** When?

 **gin-n-tonic:** im not telling

 **tankthetop:** youre so full of shit  
**tankthetop:** you hadnt seen him shirtless before last night

 **gin-n-tonic:** why would we be shirtless? its a waste of time

 **Sir Lance:** Where did this even happen?  
**Sir Lance:** Merlin never goes out

 **L-nyan** **:**  did it happen at school?

 **gin-n-tonic:** im not telling!

 **Sir Lance:**  It so happened at school

 **tankthetop:** i place my bet on car sex

 **gin-n-tonic:** -.-  
**gin-n-tonic:**  im gonna ignore you now

 **Sir Lance:**  Wait. _Did_ you have sex?  
**Sir Lance:** Or was it just snogging or whatever

 **PanDragon:**  Can we stop talking about merlin  
**PanDragon:** Its bad enough he is in my house like every other day eating my all my ice cream  
**PanDragon:** I dont want to talk about his disgusting sex life

 **gin-n-tonic:** hey!


	6. Piggyback Rides

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **scream my name:** We are not hoomuns
> 
>  **pointyWizardry:** Yeah. How dare you.
> 
>  **Queenevere:** -.-  
>  **Queenevere:** Guys please

**Ouija Board Bitches:**

**pointyWizardry:** Ive got some news  
**pointyWizardry:** Remember that friend i have?

**Queenevere:** Which one?

**pointyWizardry:** How many friends do i have outside of you two?

**scream my name:** Evidently a lot

**pointyWizardry:** ?

**scream my name:** Freya?

**pointyWizardry:** You knew about freya

**scream my name:** Still.  
**scream my name:** What was with the whole octopus hugging?

**pointyWizardry:** Idk **  
****pointyWizardry:** Weve always been like that  
**pointyWizardry:**  It bothers you?

**Queenevere:** Shes jealous

**pointyWizardry:** What?  
**pointyWizardry:** That ridiculous

**Queenevere:** No its not

**scream my name:** Are you dating her?

**pointyWizardry:** WTF NO?!  
**pointyWizardry:** Are you actually jealous?

**scream my name:** YES! **  
****scream my name:** IM YOUR BEST FRIEND!  
**scream my name:** Not some rich little floozy with a lake house from mithians clique

**Queenevere:** You have a pool

**pointyWizardry:** Which is worse than a lake  
**pointyWizardry:** Its a waste of water  
**pointyWizardry:** And freya is perfectly modest.

**scream my name:** Im still your best friend and you recoil at MY hugs fuck you!

**Queenevere:** What gives merlin?

**pointyWizardry:** I dunno

**scream my name:** Unless she is your gf  
**scream my name:** YOU OWE ME A BILLON HUGGS YOU BASTARD!

**pointyWizardry:** … are you actually mad?

**scream my name:** No im just…  
**scream my name:** What the fuck, Emrys?

**pointyWizardry:** I grew up with her idk?  
**pointyWizardry:** I used to be a touch feely hugs everything kinda kid  
**pointyWizardry:** I knew her back then so its easier

**Queenevere:** Sure helps that freya is a hugger

**pointyWizardry:** Yeah  
**pointyWizardry:** Didnt know it bothered you this much tho

**scream my name:** It doesnt  
**scream my name:** I mean it does but whatever you can not like touching  
**scream my name:** Just figured id be the exception if there was one

 **pointyWizardry:** You are the exception.  
**pointyWizardry:** I dont let people hug me but i let you and gwen  
**pointyWizardry:** Also i dont recoil at your hugs  
**pointyWizardry:** You hug my arms how tf am i supposed to hug you back when you hug my arms?

**scream my name:** I do?

**pointyWizardry:** Yes!  
**pointyWizardry:** Or you jump on my back.  
**pointyWizardry:** Like what am I supposed to do with that? Give you a piggyback ride?

**scream my name:** I mean i wouldnt say no

**Queenevere:** So if i hugged you wouldnt squirm away?

**pointyWizardry:** No  
**pointyWizardry:** Hug me like a person tho?  
**pointyWizardry:** Really morgana? A piggyback ride?

**scream my name:** K thats not what i intend. I just dont want you to run away.

**Queenevere:** Can you carry her?

**pointyWizardry:** Hey im strong!

**Queenevere:** Shes heavy tho

**scream my name:** I AM NOT

**Queenevere:** Humans are heavy things

**scream my name:** We are not hoomuns 

**pointyWizardry:** Yeah. How dare you.

**Queenevere:** -.-  
**Queenevere:** Guys please

**pointyWizardry:** ^-^

**scream my name:** <3  
**scream my name:** So can i have piggyback rides?

**pointyWizardry:**  If you ask nicely.

**Queenevere:** What about me?

**pointyWizardry:**  Ok  
**pointyWizardry:**  Still dont see where the sudden interest came from

 **scream my name:** You said it. That's where it came from.  
**scream my name:** Btw merlin your news has to wait  
**scream my name:**  I just arrived home and i think we have artuhrs retaliation

 **pointyWizardry:** What is it?

 **scream my name:**  Not sure... But it smells disgusting.  
**scream my name:** I'm disappearing for a while.  
**scream my name:** I shall return victorious

 **Queenevere:** He's screwed.

 **pointyWizardry:** I almost feel sorry for him...


	7. Axe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **scream my name:** I was just trying to rub monokuma in his face
> 
>  **Queenevere:** Honey that explains precisely nothing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Couldn't work this in there. Morgana knows martial arts. Arthur does not.
> 
> Inspired by real events.

**Ouija Board Bitches:**

**scream my name:**  So...

**pointyWizardry:**  ?

**Queenevere:** Morgana?

**pointyWizardry:**  You writing a novel?

**scream my name:**  Uther just gave me the sex talk  
 **scream my name:**  Well A "sex talk"  
 **scream my name:**  It was weird.

**pointyWizardry:**  That was not what i was expecting at all.

**Queenevere:**  He gave you a sex talk at seventeen?   
**Queenevere:**  Isnt it a little late for that?

**pointyWizardry:**  Gwen I reeeeeally dont thing thats the important bit here

**scream my name:**  Its not

**pointyWizardry:**  How did you even get there????  
 **pointyWizardry:**  From kicking arthurs ass  
 **pointyWizardry:**  To "sex talk" with uther?

 **scream my name:**  Well I had him pinned to the floor  
 **scream my name:**  Might have been straddling him too  
 **scream my name:**  Then uther walked in.

**pointyWizardry:**  EW! 

**scream my name:**  I was just trying to rub monokuma in his face

**Queenevere:**  Honey that explains precisely nothing

**pointyWizardry:**  Im assuming it had a large amount of Smelly Stuff?

**scream my name:**  Yeah  
 **scream my name:**  He poured after shave all over my bed and plushies.   
 **scream my name:**  Monokuma was SOAKED

**pointyWizardry:**  ... Whats wrong with after shave?

**Queenevere:**  Was it the axe one?

**scream my name:**  YES!   
**scream my name:**  Glitter is no where near as bad as this!

**Queenevere:**  That is revolting

**scream my name:**  Yup

**Queenevere:** Didnt think arthur had it in him to be that evil

**pointyWizardry:**  Ok what?

**Queenevere:**  Back in middle school before you transferred  
 **Queenevere:**  Kay brought this after shave to school  
 **Queenevere:**  Vivian, Sophia and Lot were all dicking around being dicks

 **scream my name:**  And like they threw the bottle at the wall and it exploded  
 **scream my name:**  On me. Right before class  
 **scream my name:**  I didnt have a change and that bitch grunhilda wouldn't let me leave to find some  
 **scream my name:**  I ran out in the middle of class to throw up  
 **scream my name:**  Then she gave me fucking detention for running out.  
 **scream my name:**  My father had to come to school and tell her to shove it before she backed off.

 **pointyWizardry:**  Think I heard that story   
**pointyWizardry:**  That was you?

 **scream my name:**  Yeah.    
**scream my name:**  Its that scent too

**pointyWizardry:**  That is way worse than the glitter bomb

**scream my name:**  Well I made him eat it so I think I got him back

**Queenevere:**  So "sex talk"?

**scream my name:** Yea that.  
 **scream my name:** So he thought he caught us in the act  
 **scream my name:**  He got all  
 **scream my name:** I made a promise to your fathery you know like he does?

**pointyWizardry:**... Lovely

**scream my name:**  Oh gets lovelier  
 **scream my name:** Apparently big man uther doesnt allow me to have sex.  
 **scream my name:**  Because thats up to him now?

**Queenevere:**  I am affronted.

**scream my name:**  Quite.

**pointyWizardry:** I'll say

**Queenevere:**  Then what happened?

**scream my name:**  "Oh shit. Wish you'd have told me before. I'm sort of already pregnant with Arthurs baby?"  
 **scream my name:**  I swear he got a little green before realising I was messing with him.

 **Queenevere:**  To be fair that is a nauseating mental image. 

 **pointyWizardry:**  I think i got green just reading that.  
 **pointyWizardry:** Youre basicaly his sister! Gross... 

 **scream my name:**  I wouldnt touch him with a lance pole even if he wasnt  
 **scream my name:** Oh FUCK!  
 **scream my name:**  Merlin remeber the FMA volumes you left over here?

 **pointyWizardry:**  No!

 **scream my name:**  Yeah...  
 **scream my name:**  One of them was under my comforter  
 **scream my name:**  Its all... weird and wet. I'll leave it to dry...  
 **scream my name:** I'm sorry.

 **pointyWizardry:**  Ok  
 **pointyWizardry:** So, he's dead, yes?

 **scream my name:**  Oh yeah.  
 **scream my name:**  Now Uther is fair game too. 

 **Queenevere:** You and arthur just dont have any boundaries do you?

 **scream my name:**  No not really

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I feel like I need to give some context to specificity in this chapter. I have personal hatred for Axe because a friend of mine back in middle school (not sure of the specific year) had bought himself a bottle for the purpose of spraying it on the girls in the friend group (because we all despised the smell) and pour it in sand to burn it. I had very strange friends back then. For two days it was all I could smell. And we broke the bottle too.  
> I hate that smell. With a PASSION.


	8. A Deal with the Witch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **PanDragon:** ...shit  
>  **PanDragon:** Wow this is like three extra angles of evil than i intended
> 
>  **scream my name:** Youre such a disaster

**Direct Message** (@scream my name):

 **PanDragon:** Did you also have a weird talk with father

 **scream my name:** The banned from sex talk?

 **PanDragon:** That would be the one.  
**PanDragon:** The fuck was that about

 **scream my name:**  Idfk  
**scream my name:**  Where even are you?

 **PanDragon:** Lots  
**PanDragon:** Project  
**PanDragon:** Totally forgot -.-

 **scream my name:**  Better to get your ass kicked by a bog witch, i guess?

 **PanDragon:** Yes, actually.  
**PanDragon:** Wait you know about that?!?!?!

 **scream my name:** Pff arthur please  
**scream my name:** Fyi im colonising your room until you fix mine 

 **PanDragon:** Witch

 **scream my name:** Oh just you try to get rid of me  
**scream my name:** This room is mine  
**scream my name:** Unless you want a follow up the glitter bomb with vomit bomb

 **PanDragon:**  Vomit?

 **scream my name:** YES  
**scream my name:** Dont you remember?

 **PanDragon:**  OH!

 **scream my name:** NOW the penny drops  
**scream my name:** It was the same scent too  
**scream my name:** Dick

 **PanDragon:**  Oops?

 **scream my name:** And no joke be ware of merlin u destroyed his really nice FMA collection.

 **PanDragon:**  Scuse me?

 **scream my name:**  One of them was under my bedding  
**scream my name:** Hes never lending me anything again.

 **PanDragon:**  ...shit  
**PanDragon:**  Wow this is like three extra angles of evil than i intended

 **scream my name:**  Youre such a disaster 

 **PanDragon:**  Ill pay him back obviously

 **scream my name:**  Dont think itll help  
**scream my name:** He is out for blood

 **PanDragon:**  Tell your pet weirdo to calm down I dont have time to deal with you two TOGETHER

 **scream my name:** Arthur Pendragon, are you backing down from a fight?

 **PanDragon:** Im just busy. Too much shit to do with shit groups

 **scream my name:** You failed the chemistry paper didn't you  
**scream my name:**  Youre doing that remedial presentation thingy  
**scream my name:** Thats what youre doing with lot 

 **PanDragon:**  ... Maybe

 **scream my name:**  Again.  
**scream my name:**  Disaster.

 **PanDragon:**  Morgana.

 **scream my name:**  Fine ill tell him were on a truce till winter break but itll cost you

 **PanDragon:** Oooof course  
**PanDragon:** What does the bog witch want?

 **scream my name:**  We are teaming up against uther

 **PanDragon:** No

 **scream my name:** Fine then itll be me and merlin against you  
**scream my name:** After today ive got a lot to make up for  
**scream my name:** And amo to do it with

 **PanDragon:**  You wouldn't

 **scream my name:** Try me  
**scream my name:** Trust me giving in is easier.

 **PanDragon:** Fine ill do it

 **scream my name:** Muuhuhhahahahaha

 **PanDragon:** Witch.

 **scream my name:** Shut. Up.  
**scream my name:** You deserve it

 **PanDragon:**  My unintentional over reciprocation doesnt make you any less witch

 **scream my name:** So im evil and youre a disaster?

 **PanDragon:** Precisely 

* * *

**Knights of the Oblong Table:**

**Leon:** Who had pinned down with a face full of plushie?

 **tankthetop:**  meeeeeeeeeeeee

 **L-nyan:** damn! i had pillow!

 **PanDragon:** I hate all of you.

 **Sir Lance:** </3

 **tankthetop:** <3

 **Leon:** <3

 **L-nyan:** </3

 **gin-n-tonic:** <3

* * *

**Ouija Board Bitches:**

**scream my name:** Merlin a favour?

 **pointyWizardry:**  Sure

 **scream my name:**  Arthur and i are joining forces against uther  
**scream my name:**  Also he says hes sorry and will pay you back  
**scream my name:**  So i wanna buy some time for him

 **Queenevere:** Same talk?

 **scream my name:** Yeah

 **pointyWizardry:**  K  
**pointyWizardry:**  I was gonna bide my time anyway

 **scream my name:** Great

 **pointyWizardry:**  I need to get back at all the knights for ogling me so...  
**pointyWizardry:** Whats with people and abs tho?

 **Queenevere:** Its not abs   
**Queenevere:** Its your abs specifically  
**Queenevere:** They are very nice.

 **pointyWizardry:** I dont care.  
**pointyWizardry:** They shouldnt be talking about it.  
**pointyWizardry:** And they need to pay. 

 **Queenevere:** Ive got some ideas about that

 **scream my name:** Wellcome to the dark side, my sweet Guinevere. 

 **Queenevere:** I can feel the slow peck on the cheek from here

 **scream my name:** A fine recruit indeed. 


	9. New in Town

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **pointyWizardry:** Oh for fuck sakes
> 
>  **scream my name:** Im SALTY
> 
>  **pointyWizardry:** Yeah no shit

**Ouija Board Bitches:**

**pointyWizardry:** So do i finally get to tell you about my news?  
**pointyWizardry:** Or is there another random nonsense thats going to interrupt

 **Queenevere:** This is text merlin  
**Queenevere:** You can type away  
**Queenevere:** We can read it later

 **pointyWizardry:** No it shall be read now

 **scream my name:** Just about to ask   
**scream my name:**  Tell us about this yet another new friend

 **pointyWizardry:**  I only have one friend you dont know!!  
**pointyWizardry:** Remember that guy i met online  
**pointyWizardry:** We met a few times

 **Queenevere:** Yeah the one in balor

 **pointyWizardry:** Yes  
**pointyWizardry:** Hes moving here!!!

 **Queenevere:** What?

 **pointyWizardry:** We are adopting him to our friend group

 **scream my name:** We are?

 **pointyWizardry:** Damn right we are.  
**pointyWizardry:** And you two shall protect him like he is my non-blood-related brother

 **scream my name:** Haha ok well see

 **Queenevere:** Im sure we will love him  
**Queenevere:** Hes your friend after all

 **pointyWizardry:** Freyas my friend and you dont like her

 **scream my name:**  We like her well enough  
**scream my name:**  She just unfairly hogging all the hugs

 **pointyWizardry:** Oh for fuck sakes

 **scream my name:** Im SALTY

 **pointyWizardry:**  Yeah no shit  
 **pointyWizardry:**  I said you can have piggy back rides  
 **pointyWizardry:** What more do you want from me??!

 **Queenevere:** I dont like her that much  
**Queenevere:** I mean shes ok but...  
**Queenevere:** A bit ditzy?

 **pointyWizardry:** What? No?

 **Queenevere:** Maybe not ditzy but shas a very  
**Queenevere:** Watery personality

 **pointyWizardry:**  Watery

 **scream my name:**  She means shes a push over.

 **pointyWizardry:**  >:|

 **Queenevere:** So whens he coming?

 **pointyWizardry:** Hes already here  
**pointyWizardry:**  Told me he was moving here by showing up at my door and going HI NEIGHBOUR!   
**pointyWizardry:**  Asshole

 **scream my name:**  Hahahaha  
**scream my name:** Thats actually kinda cute.  
**scream my name:** Im still not promising anything until i meet him tho

 **pointyWizardry:**  Hell be at school tomorrw so you guys can meet him them 

           _... the next morning_

 **scream my name:**  I love him  
**scream my name:**  Add him here  
**scream my name:**  Add him right now

 **pointyWizardry:**  Told ya

 **Queenevere:** Go ahead gloat.

_[ @pointyWizardry added @ikilledtheking]_

 **Queenevere:**  I killed the king?  
**Queenevere:** Should I even ask?

 **pointyWizardry:** Best not >:)

 **ikilledtheking:** 😈

 **scream my name:** Well this is gonna be fun :P

 **pointyWizardry:** I still have my reservations about you in the chat tho  
**pointyWizardry:**  My true level of weird bullshit might traumatise you

 **ikilledtheking:**  Merlin, we have six hour long phone calls about random shit on a regular basis.  
**ikilledtheking:** I know _exactly_ how strange you are.  
**ikilledtheking:** And I love you for it.

 **Queenevere:** I ship it

 **pointyWizardry:** No.  
**pointyWizardry:**  @ikilledtheking Well sure.  
**pointyWizardry:** On the weekends when im fed slept and had my coffee

 **scream my name:** Yeah try talking him down from his rampages at 4 am on a Wednesday

 **ikilledtheking:** You assume I will not also be indignant about this thing that has sent Emrys into a rampage.

 **scream my name:** True

 **** **ikilledtheking:**  @Queenevere— Do you want to know who I ship Merlin with?

 **pointyWizardry:** NO!

 **ikilledtheking:** I wasn't asking you, Merlin. 😬

 **scream my name:** Please tell me its gwaine

 **ikilledtheking:**  It is.

 **pointyWizardry:**  Fuck you, Camlann.  
**pointyWizardry:** Im leaving this chat

 **ikilledtheking:** Now, that's just a lie.  
**ikilledtheking:** Besides, I might have gotten into the team.   
**ikilledtheking:** So I have insider information. **  
**ikilledtheking:**** They talk about you three a lot. It's slightly concerning.

 ** **scream my name** :** Are you offering to be a spy?

 **ikilledtheking:** My loyalty has always been to Emrys.

 **scream my name:** Merdred.

 **pointyWizardry:** No

 **Queenevere:** Ok you cant say shit like that and expect us to not ship it

 **pointyWizardry:** Yes i can

 **ikilledtheking:**  We work better as liege and minion rather that king and consort.  
**ikilledtheking:** Gwaine would work much better. 

 **pointyWizardry:**  I dunno what i was worried about  
**pointyWizardry:** Youre such an asshole  
**pointyWizardry:** Get traumatised i dont even care

 **ikilledtheking:**  💙

 


	10. Backtrack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Leon:** She texted me last night at like 3 going  
>  **Leon:** Why dont you ever give me piggyback rides??????????????
> 
>  **tankthetop:** why DONT you give her piggyback rides
> 
>  **gin-n-tonic:** shame on you

**Knights of the Oblong Table:**

**PanDragon:** The bog witch just walked up to her pet tapped him on the shoulder and said pleeeeeeeease  
**PanDragon:** He is now carrying her to class on his back  
**PanDragon:** What the ACUTAL FUCK did i just witness?!

 **tankthetop:** holly shit i just saw them too

 **gin-n-tonic:**?

 **Leon:** If youre next to them  
**Leon:** Why not just ask?

 **PanDragon:** Would you ask?

 **Leon:** Yeah no thats probably not a good idea

 **Sir Lance:** You dont seem to be very shocked by your girlfriend riding another man

 **Leon:** I resent that phrasing  
**Leon:** She texted me last night at like 3 going  
**Leon:** Why dont you ever give me piggyback rides??????????????

 **tankthetop:** why DONT you give her piggyback rides

 **gin-n-tonic:** shame on you

 **Sir Lance:** At least she knows what riding merlin is like

 **tankthetop:** perhaps hes jealous she stole his spot.

 **gin-n-tonic:** no  
**gin-n-tonic:** just no

 **tankthetop:** so you were on top?

 **gin-n-tonic:** percival i swear to god 

**Leon:** SO ARTHUR!  
**Leon:** Tell us about the weird conversation you had with your father

 **tankthetop:** your threats do not scare me peasant

 **PanDragon:** Percival.

 **tankthetop:** k fine  
**tankthetop:** what strange exchange is this arthur?  
**tankthetop:** do tell

 **Sir Lance:** I can just imagine those last two in your falsetto voice

 **tankthetop:** as you should

 **PanDragon:** He doesnt want me touching morgana.  
**PanDragon:** Exact words.

 **Sir Lance:** Thats just cringy

 **PanDragon:** His full sentences were worse. This is all i can tolerate without throwing up

 **tankthetop:** why would that even need to be said tho

 **PanDragon:** I dont know  
**PanDragon:** We werent doing anything out of the ordinary  
**PanDragon:** But it was the first time he saw us physically fighting  
**PanDragon:** Still who says that?!

 **L-nyan:** oh did he walked in on the monokuma incident? 

**PanDragon:** Yeah

 **tankthetop:** why do you know which it is?

 **L-nyan:** gwen  
**L-nyan:** apparently he also damaged merlins things?

 **PanDragon:** I went a little over the line  
**PanDragon:** Completely by accident

 **gin-n-tonic:** you two have a line?

 **PanDragon:** Yeah  
**PanDragon:** We both definitely know where it is  
**PanDragon:** But its hard to explain to other people

 **Leon:** Mostly because its waaaaaay father that normal siblings

 **PanDragon:** We're not normal siblings tho  
**PanDragon:** Or normal people

 **gin-n-tonic:** maybe thats why  
**gin-n-tonic:** uther has a stick up his ass  
**gin-n-tonic:** dont think hed find it funny that you two are worse than prepubescent brothers

 **PanDragon:** Please dont ever put that image in my head again

 **gin-n-tonic:** sorry

 **Sir Lance:** I think he has a point tho  
**Sir Lance:** You two might not be actually related but in his eyes youre both his children

 **tankthetop:** you two do look alike...

 **PanDragon:** That suggestion is a lot more wrong than you are intending it to be and i suggest you back track right now  
**PanDragon:** Im gonna listen to class i cant fail another thing  
**PanDragon:** Bye

 **gin-n-tonic:** that was weird

 **Leon:** Just shut up and pay attention.

* * *

**Direct Message** (@PanDragon):

 **tankthetop:** im sorry 

**PanDragon:** Its alright

 **tankthetop:** i didnt mean to make you angry

 **PanDragon:** Im not angry  
**PanDragon:** In context that sounds so so SO wrong and you dont have that context  
**PanDragon:** Just dont say that again

 **tankthetop:** ok  
**tankthetop:** are we ok tho?

 **PanDragon:** Yeah

 **tankthetop:** youre late to practice btw

 **PanDragon:** Fuck!  
**PanDragon:** I'll be right there

* * *

**Direct Message** (@sceram my name):

 **Leon:** I think you should talk to arthur about what uther said

 **scream my name:** I did

 **Leon:** No i mean like what he actually said

 **scream my name:**...  
**scream my name:** Ok?  
**scream my name:** Why is it so important?  
**scream my name:** Hes a piece of shit. What else is there to say?

 **Leon:** Hes also shady as fuck  
**Leon:** Just talk to arthur ok?

 **scream my name:** You want me to go back home then?

 **Leon:** What?

 **scream my name:** Youre looking the wrong way

 **Leon:** Seriously?

 **scream my name:** His room also smells and i refuse to sleep on the couch  
**scream my name:** Also might smell there too in all honestly  
**scream my name:** I can go to gwens or merlins if you want

 ** **Leon:** **No you can stay with me  
**Leon:** Hold on ill buzz you up

 **scream my name:** <3<3<3

 **Leon:** <3


	11. Awkward Encounters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **ikilledtheking:** You mean you haven't discovered the fourth dimension?  
>  **ikilledtheking:** Why would you get me excited over nothing?!
> 
>  **pointyWizardry:** Mordred i WILL wip your ass like egg whites. Do NOT sass me
> 
>  **scream my name:** How the fuck are you going to do that exactly?

**Ouja Board Bitches:**

**pointyWizardry:** Im dead  
**pointyWizardry:**  I have dies

 **Queenevere:** What happened? 

 **ikilledtheking:** He has dies.  
**ikilledtheking:**  As in multiple units of singular die.  
**ikilledtheking:** Im assuming, many dice extending to the fourth dimension and occupying the same coordinates within our usual three. 

 **pointyWizardry:**  It’s a typo.

 **ikilledtheking:**  You mean you haven't discovered the fourth dimension?  
**ikilledtheking:**  Why would you get me excited over nothing?!

 **pointyWizardry:**  Mordred i WILL wip your ass like egg whites. Do NOT sass me

 **scream my name:**  How the fuck are you going to do that exactly?  
**scream my name:**  Like how does one egg-white-wip ones ass?

 **Queenevere:**  Which btw is officially a thing from this point on

 **scream my name:**  Yes

 **pointyWizardry:**  Oh my GOD! I die and this is what you care about?

 **ikilledtheking:**  So you  _have_  discovered the fourth dimension!  
**ikilledtheking:**  Is that where all the dead people go?  
**ikilledtheking:**  The roaming charges would be through the roof, wouldn't it?

 **pointyWizardry:**  MORDRED!!

 **scream my name:**  I am with him rn and he literally cant breathe because hes laughing

 **Queenevere:**  Maybe hell meet merlin in the fourth dimention 

 **pointyWizardry:**  Ok when exactly did this chat become about making fun of me?!!

 **scream my name:**  About two seconds after mordred joined  
**scream my name:**  Update: mordred has tears in his eyes

 **pointyWizardry:**  SERIOUSLY!!!!!!

 **scream my name:**  Ok ok were sorry

 **Queenevere:**  Were done  
**Queenevere:** Tell us why youre dead

 **pointyWizardry:**  I want his phone confiscated  
**pointyWizardry:**  He can red over morganas shoulder

 **scream my name:**  Done

 **pointyWizardry:**  You all still ruined what i was gonna say but whatever serves you right

 **Queenevere:** Just tell us

 **pointyWizardry:**  I saw gwaine in his underwear

 **Queenevere:** ...

 **scream my name:**  I have a multitude of questions  
**scream my name:**  First of all WHERE

 **pointyWizardry:**  He showed up at the gym

 **Queenevere:**  In his underwear?

 **pointyWizardry:**  I assume no but its gwaine so who tf knows  
**pointyWizardry:**  I saw him in the changing room presumably changing

 **Queenevere:**  Not to sound like an obscene phone call   
**Queenevere:**  But what were you wearing?

 **scream my name:**  That does sound a lot like an obscene phone call

 **pointyWizardry:**  A towel

* * *

**Direct Message**  (@gin-n-tonic):

 **Sir Lance:**  So how was kickbox?

 **gin-n-tonic:**  ...

 **Sir Lance:**  ?

 **gin-n-tonic:**  i saw him in a towel  
**gin-n-tonic:**  and his face was flushed from the hot water  
**gin-n-tonic:**  i was unprepared  
**gin-n-tonic:** i was very much not prepared

 **Sir Lance:**  I thought you didnt kiss and tell

 **gin-n-tonic:**  there was no kissing  
**gin-n-tonic:**  if there were to be any kissing i wouldnt have the CAPACITY to tell  
**gin-n-tonic:**  theres smoke coming out of my ears my brains so overloaded   
**gin-n-tonic:**  i need to process this

 **Sir Lance:**  Possibly with a long shower?

 **gin-n-tonic:** lkfjsdlkfjklsdfjsl  
**gin-n-tonic:** CAN YOU FUCKING NOT?!  
**gin-n-tonic:**  youre worse than percival

 **Sir Lance:**  Its too funny

 **gin-n-tonic:**  ok you see gwen flushed and in a towel lets wee how YOU handle that!

 **Sir Lance:**  Ok fair but what do you expect me to do about this?

 **gin-n-tonic:**  i don fuckin kno man  
**gin-n-tonic:**  my brain is fried  
**gin-n-tonic:**  i just wanted to spend time with him and now ive seen him in a TOWEL

 **Sir Lance:**  Its the changing room. It happens. Its not like you planned to see him naked  
**Sir Lance:**  Ive seen him like that before. He looks nice

 **gin-n-tonic:**  i know thats why im telling this to you  
**gin-n-tonic:**  youve seen merlin like that so it wont be like invading his privacy  
**gin-n-tonic:**  also nice does not cut it  
**gin-n-tonic:**  hot doest cut it either  
**gin-n-tonic:**  he is Attractive with a capital A

 **Sir Lance:**  I think thats more to do with you being head over heels in love with him rather than how he looks...

 **gin-n-tonic:**  GEE  
**gin-n-tonic:**  YOU THINK?!!!

 **Sir Lance:** Tell me what exactly happened

* * *

**Queenevere:**  dfkahdfjhafkjfdh

 **scream my name:** Hhahahahahahahhaha

 **pointyWizardry:**  YOURE MISSING THE POINT  
**pointyWizardry:**  I saw him in his BRIEFS!!!!!  
**pointyWizardry:**  Im never gonna unsee that!

 **Queenevere:**  To be fair   
**Queenevere:**  Do you want to?

 **pointyWizardry:**  Yes!

 **scream my name:**  Now, that is just not true. 

 **pointyWizardry:**  … Yeah no its not.   
**pointyWizardry:** And the smug bastard knows it!

 **Queenevere:**  Gwaine or morgana

 **pointyWizardry:** Both   
**pointyWizardry:** Ya both are smug bastards

 **scream my name:** Obviously

 **pointyWizardry:**  And then he went  
**pointyWizardry:**  Ah! Merlin! How are you?  
**pointyWizardry:**  Like he wasnt almost naked

* * *

**gin-n-tonic:**  i said how are you like a absolute idiot  
**gin-n-tonic:**  and then he got this weird look and just like left?

 **Sir Lance:** What? He didnt say anything?

 **gin-n-tonic:**  he might have my ears were ringing 

* * *

**scream my name:** Mordreds asking of he can have his phone back  
**scream my name:** Hes about to have a fit have some pity

 **pointyWizardry:** Fine

 **ikilledtheking:**  That was unnecessary.

 **pointyWizardry:**  I beg to differ

 **ikilledtheking:**  Whatever.  
**ikilledtheking:**  I think you guys are missing an important detail here.  
**ikilledtheking:**  You might have seen him in his underwear, but he saw you fresh from the shower.  
**ikilledtheking:**  Based on what I've seen of him, the way he copes is refusing to acknowledge things and excessive eye rolls.  
**ikilledtheking:**  He is probably freaking out about it as we speak.

* * *

**gin-n-tonic:**  I AM FREAKING OUT LANCE WHAT IF HE HATES ME NOW?!

 **Sir Lance:**  Because he saw you in your underwear?  
**Sir Lance:**  Id think hed actually like that.

 **gin-n-tonic:**  i saw him in a towel.  
**gin-n-tonic:** like he was 97% naked  
**gin-n-tonic:** he was 97% naked and i was 82% naked  
**gin-n-tonic:** thats like 90% naked on average 

 **Sir Lance:**  89.5%

 **gin-n-tonic:**  and i said how are you  
**gin-n-tonic:** he just looked so uncomfortable...  
**gin-n-tonic:** i made him uncomfortable and saw him naked   
**gin-n-tonic:** those two things should not be going hand in hand!

 **Sir Lance:**  I doubt the first thing that comes to his mind will be you lurking in the changing room to see him in a towel  
**Sir Lance:**  The situation itself is awkward 

 **gin-n-tonic:**  i know  
**gin-n-tonic:**  but like im not going to be able to stop myself thinking about him looking like that  
**gin-n-tonic:**  and then whenever i do think of it im going to remember he didnt want me to see him like that

 **Sir Lance:**  Youre overreacting.

 **gin-n-tonic:**  i. know. that.

 **Sir Lance:**  I didnt know you cared this much  
**Sir Lance:**  About anything really

 **gin-n-tonic:**  its not just anything tho  
**gin-n-tonic:**  its merlin  
**gin-n-tonic:**  and i dont know how to not suck at this  
**gin-n-tonic:**  i dont know how to give fucks  
**gin-n-tonic:**  except i do give all the fucks about merlin

* * *

**pointyWizardry:** Ive never seen gwaine to give a shit about anything  
**pointyWizardry:**  I mean i know he likes me and i like him  
**pointyWizardry:**  I freak out because i freak out about everything  
**pointyWizardry:**  Why would HE freak out?

 **scream my name:**  Merlin, he doesnt just like you.   
**scream my name:**  He is in love with you. 

 **ikilledtheking:**  I don't think you realise how much he cares about you.  
**ikilledtheking:**  He never talks about what happened between you.   
**ikilledtheking:**  He never plays along with the teasing, like Leon does.  
**ikilledtheking:**  I think it actually bothers him, the way they talk about you, but the Knights are idiots so they don't realise.  
**ikilledtheking:**  He asked me about you once. We were alone and he just asked of you were okay when you weren't at school.

 **pointyWizardry:**  ...  
**pointyWizardry:** Huh?

 **ikilledtheking:** Just listen, ok?

* * *

**Sir Lance:**  Does merlin know you feel this way about him?

 **gin-n-tonic:**  of course not  
**gin-n-tonic:**  he doesnt like dating and i know why   
**gin-n-tonic:**  sort of. and its actually a good reason  
**gin-n-tonic:**  im not going to tell you

 **Sir Lance:**  I wasnt going to ask

 **gin-n-tonic:**  they are my feelings and he made it very clear any feeling of the like can come to anything  
**gin-n-tonic:**  fine whatever its his choice and i get why he made it not that that matters.  
**gin-n-tonic:**  we know where we stand  
**gin-n-tonic:**  the rest is irrelevant   
**gin-n-tonic:**  i can keep my feelings in check and like not breach his privacy and what not  
**gin-n-tonic:** except lately thats all ive been doing... and now this and i just CANT

 **Sir Lance:** What are you talking about?

 **gin-n-tonic:**  YOU?!!!   
**gin-n-tonic:** like do any of you actually realise how fucking demeaning you are?!  
**gin-n-tonic:**  it was fine when it was just me and you guys didnt really care what i said  
**gin-n-tonic:**  i had a stupid crush on the weird spindly kid haha now who ate arthurs ice cream again?  
**gin-n-tonic:** but then elyan sent the photo   
**gin-n-tonic:**  and bloody percival started being all percivaly about it  
**gin-n-tonic:**  and i tried to play it off but hes percival and i just wanted to shut him up   
**gin-n-tonic:**  so it slipped out that we did something and then it all got out of hand  
**gin-n-tonic:** i kept trying to brush it off and wait for you to get bored but you never did!  
**gin-n-tonic:**  and now weve come to a point where you literally discuss what sex positions we might have been in   
**gin-n-tonic:**  mean while im just ificouldjustdiehereandstaywithyouforever in love with him   
**gin-n-tonic:**  but at the same time im the reason you are talking about him like that  
**gin-n-tonic:**  and i know merlin hates people talking about him like that

 **Sir Lance:**  You talked about him like that!

 **gin-n-tonic:**  no i didnt! i said he was hot! thats it!  
**gin-n-tonic:** thats all i EVER SAID!!  
**gin-n-tonic:**  because he is hot and i call him hot all the time like i say it to his face and hes fine with that  
**gin-n-tonic:** he laughs when i flirt with him so i do it all the fucking time  
**gin-n-tonic:**  what he definitely isnt fine with is the sex positions and all that other shit you do!

 **gin-n-tonic:**  im done now

 **gin-n-tonic:**  lance youre supposed to say stuff  
**gin-n-tonic:**  like you say stuff after someone rants at you

 **Sir Lance:**  Yeah  
**Sir Lance:**  I know  
**Sir Lance:**  Im just reevaluating the last two years  
**Sir Lance:**  And feeling like we might be human garbage

 **gin-n-tonic:**  thats true you guys are awful.

 **Sir Lance:**  We didnt know this!  
**Sir Lance:**  How were we even supposed to figure this out?

 **gin-n-tonic:**  ive been very obvious about the fact that you guys need to shut the fuck up

 **Sir Lance:**  I feel terrible

 **gin-n-tonic:**  you should.

 **Sir Lance:**  Ive never seen you this angry

 **gin-n-tonic:**  yeah.... didnt expect to be  
**gin-n-tonic:**  apparently i am. or was idk  
**gin-n-tonic:**  didnt expect to say any of that either  
**gin-n-tonic:**  shit

 **Sir Lance:**  I wont tell anyone  
**Sir Lance:**  And ill get the others to stop about merlin

 **gin-n-tonic:**  gee thanks lance

 **Sir Lance:**  I do feel terrible  
**Sir Lance:**  I'm really sorry.

 **gin-n-tonic:**  again you should feel terrible  
**gin-n-tonic:**  percival especially should feel terrible  
**gin-n-tonic:**  but he wont without knowing this and he will not know this got it?

 **Sir Lance:**  Give me some credit i can manage that

 **gin-n-tonic:**  first do the deed then brag about it lance?

 **Sir Lance:**  Will do.

* * *

**Direct Message**  (@gin-n-tonic):

 **pointyWizardry:**  Can we talk?

 **gin-n-tonic:** why?

 **pointyWizardry:**  Because i want to talk

 **gin-n-tonic:**  thats not ominous at all

 **pointyWizardry:**  Not supposed to be  
**pointyWizardry:**  Can i call you on the phone?  
**pointyWizardry:**  Are you available now?

 **gin-n-tonic:**  yeah ok

* * *

**Merlin Emrys**

incoming call      59 minutes

 


	12. All the Cards

**Direct Message**  (@ikilledtheking):

**pointyWizardry:**  Hello

**ikilledtheking:**  Hi.  
**ikilledtheking:**  Did you talk to Gwaine?

**pointyWizardry:**  Yea  
**pointyWizardry:**  Im a terrible person

**ikilledtheking:**  No, you're not.

**pointyWizardry:**  Yes i am  
**pointyWizardry:**  I am a terrible very very horrible person

**ikilledtheking:**  I feel like you are referring to more than him being in love an you being oblivious to it.  
**ikilledtheking:**  I can still guarantee that you are not a terrible person.  
**ikilledtheking:**  What happened?

**pointyWizardry:**  I slept with him

**ikilledtheking:**  ...  
**ikilledtheking:** You what?

**pointyWizardry:**  Im the worse person alive

**ikilledtheking:**  No, you're not.

**pointyWizardry:**  Hes in love with me and im not in love with him and i slept with him   
**pointyWizardry:**  Im a terrible person

**ikilledtheking:**  Stop saying that.  
**ikilledtheking:**  He knows you're not in love with him, doesn't he?

**pointyWizardry:**  Yes.

**ikilledtheking:**  So, you're  _not_  a terrible person.

**pointyWizardry:**  Hes in love with me

**ikilledtheking:**  You are just repeating yourself right now.

**pointyWizardry:**  What have i done

**ikilledtheking:** If you want my insight, you realise you need to  _actually_  tell me that, right?  
**ikilledtheking:** Or am I going to coax it out of you.

**pointyWizardry:**  We talked on the phone for an hour then like another two at my house and then we slept together  
**pointyWizardry:**  Fdhjjdfjjdhdjfhjhdf   
****pointyWizardry:**** Help me!

**ikilledtheking:** Don't worry. I will.  
**ikilledtheking:** How did he end up there?

**pointyWizardry:**  His phone was dying and i cant leave the house because my mom took my keys.  
**pointyWizardry:**  And then found hers in her bag later. At work  
****pointyWizardry** :** As you do.

**ikilledtheking:**  You must have reached some sort of conclusion, if you talked for so long.

**pointyWizardry:**  If you count sleeping together, yes. 

**ikilledtheking:**  Then what the fuck did you talk about for all that time?!

**pointyWizardry:**  Thats not helpful

**ikilledtheking:**  You're being difficult!

**pointyWizardry:** Why are you yelling at me?!

**ikilledtheking:**  I'm sorry.  
**ikilledtheking:**  It hasn't been the best night. 

**pointyWizardry:**  Whats wrong

**ikilledtheking:**  Don't change the subject.  
**ikilledtheking** **:**  What does Gwaine say about this?  
**ikilledtheking:** If he's hoping for you to eventually fall for him, thats a problem

**pointyWizardry:** No no thats not what hes doing  
**pointyWizardry:**  He says hes fine with anything i want 

**ikilledtheking:**  What do you want, then?

**pointyWizardry:**  I dont know

**ikilledtheking:**  Are you actually considering being in a relationship with him?

**pointyWizardry:**  I dont know   
**pointyWizardry:**  Maybe. Yes?  
**pointyWizardry:**  Sdkfjhsdflh  
**pointyWizardry:**  Im not sure im ready for all that... 

**ikilledtheking:**  You don't have to do "all that".   
**ikilledtheking:**  "All that" is a lie.  
**ikilledtheking:**  You can do whatever you want.   
**ikilledtheking:**  You have to figure out what you want before considering anything else.  
**ikilledtheking:** So what do you want?

**pointyWizardry:**  We talked about just hanging out more.  
**pointyWizardry:** Thats what we were supposed to be doing..........

**ikilledtheking:**  And then you had sex

**pointyWizardry:**  And then we had sex

**ikilledtheking:**  Why not just do that?

**pointyWizardry:**  We tried to just hang out and it doesnt work  
**pointyWizardry:** Keep up mordred

**ikilledtheking:**  No. Hang out and sleep together.

**pointyWizardry:** That sounds all well and good till you get to the him being in love with me part.  
**pointyWizardry:**  I dont want to hurt him

**ikilledtheking:**  Well, you would have to  _tell_  him that's what you're doing, now, wouldn't you?   
**ikilledtheking:**  He isn't trying to get a relationship out of you. He just wants to be with you.  
**ikilledtheking:**  In whatever way  _you_  want. 

**pointyWizardry:**  Thats taking advantage isnt it?  
**pointyWizardry:** Its like im using him for my 'needs' or something

**ikilledtheking:**  Would you still want this if he wanted to remove the sex from it?

**pointyWizardry:**  What do you mean

**ikilledtheking:**  If he didn’t want to have sex, or if there was a limit of how far he would go in all that. Like you with romance but with sex.

**pointyWizardry:**  Yeah  
**pointyWizardry:** I like him  
**pointyWizardry** **:** I want to be with him

**ikilledtheking:**  Just like him with you.  
**ikilledtheking:** Seems pretty even to me.

**pointyWizardry:**  But it’s not, is it?   
**pointyWizardry:**  He wants to do whatever IIII want.  
**pointyWizardry:** And its just all very klsdffdsfdjklfdskljfsdklj

**ikilledtheking:**  Because he's open to everything and you're only open to some. Whatever you want _is_ the overlap.  
**ikilledtheking:** Yes, if he is just desperate for any piece of you and views this as settling for 'less' then that is a very big problem.  
**ikilledtheking:** Is that what you're worried about?

**pointyWizardry:** You know for once id like to put something to words before you

**ikilledtheking:**  Keep dreaming, Emrys.

**pointyWizardry:** Fffffffff  
**pointyWizardry:** But yes. That is what im worried about

**ikilledtheking:** That's what you have to talk to him about.  
**ikilledtheking:**  But if not, then so what if he feels more deeply for you than you for him.   
**ikilledtheking:** You still don't want romance in a relationship anyway, do you?

**pointyWizardry:**  I might. A little bit?  
**pointyWizardry:** WAY in the future. Way beyond any realistic scope of this relationship.  
**pointyWizardry:** Hes leaving next fall   
**pointyWizardry:** So no i dont want romance involved with sex. It just doesnt mesh

**ikilledtheking:**  Does he know that?

**pointyWizardry:**  Yea

**ikilledtheking:** And he's ok with it?

**pointyWizardry:**  Yeah?

**ikilledtheking:**  Then?  
**ikilledtheking:** Why are you making this so difficult for yourself?

**pointyWizardry:**  Becasue hes in love with me!  
**pointyWizardry:**  I dont think in love is carrying what i mean across.  
**pointyWizardry:**  The point is I hold all the cards.  
**pointyWizardry:**  Its too much!

**ikilledtheking:**  This is what you want but without him being in love with you?

**pointyWizardry:**  Yes.

**ikilledtheking:**  Except that if he wasn't in love with you, you wouldn't be considering any sort of relationship with him at all.  
**ikilledtheking:**  You called him after Morgana and I told you.  
**ikilledtheking:** If he hadn't already proved he only wanted you for you and nothing else, would you have slept with him at all?

**pointyWizardry:**  ...

**ikilledtheking:** If you're going to try to be close to someone this way again I think you need to have them all.

**pointyWizardry:**  My head hurts.  
**pointyWizardry:**  I have to talk to him again

**ikilledtheking:**  Obviously. 

**pointyWizardry:**  Thank you.

**ikilledtheking:**  However would you cope without me?

**pointyWizardry:** Hyperventilate?

**ikilledtheking:** Just go talk to him.

**pointyWizardry:**  Okay  
**pointyWizardry:**  But when I get back we're talking about you   
**pointyWizardry:**  And dont even think about dodging it like before.


	13. Distractions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **ikilledtheking:** Can I be a little mad at Merlin for not introducing me to you two until I moved?
> 
>  **scream my name:** You should be very mad.

**Ouija Board Bitches:**

**ikilledtheking:**  I need a distraction.  
**ikilledtheking:**  Anything dumb happening around you guys?

 **Queenevere:**  I want to kill my brother

 **ikilledtheking:**  Ok, that works.  
**ikilledtheking:**  Why?

 **Queenevere:**  He is addicted to sims 4  
**Queenevere:**  He doesnt have the sims 4  
**Queenevere:**  I have the sims 4.  
**Queenevere:**  And he is hogging my computer.

 **scream my name:**  Oooff

 **ikilledtheking:**  That's rough.

 **Queenevere:**  Thats not all  
**Queenevere:**  If im playing it he just pulls up a chair  
**Queenevere:**  And gets all judgy about my storylines   
**Queenevere:**  Like excuse me i only bought the game and the packs and built the houses and made the sims  
**Queenevere:**  You know that weird commentary thing he does when hes trying to start a conversation but starts by insulting the thing youre doing? 

 **ikilledtheking:**  Yes! He does that all the time!  
**ikilledtheking:**  It's very annoying.

 **Queenevere:** And I know he only does that because he is an awkward potato.  
**Queenevere:**  But can you not insult my children for fuck sake?!

 **scream my name:**  I do think that is a capital offence and should be punished accordingly  
**scream my name:**  I, Morgana le Fey, Chieftess of the Fae Folk of Camelot and a daughter of Morrigen,  
**scream my name:**  Adjudge Elyan Smith the Awkward Potato guilty of speaking treason against my sister Guinevere Smith, the Cinnamon Queen and her subjects.  
**scream my name:**  In accordance of the laws of the Ouija Board Council and the Code of Sibling,  
**scream my name:**  He shall be put to death in a manner Her Majesty sees fit.

 **Queenevere:**  He shall be offered to the White Goddess at Cauldron of Arianrhod.

 **scream my name:**  Most fitting.

 **ikilledtheking:**  Can I be a little mad at Merlin for not introducing me to you two until I moved?

 **scream my name:**  You should be very mad.

 **ikilledtheking:**  😄  
**ikilledtheking:**  Where's Arianrhod?

 **scream my name:**  You know that weird pond in the woods between our school and Ealdor Academy?

 **ikilledtheking:**  I love that place!

 **Queenevere:**  Creepy serenity is you aesthetic

 **ikilledtheking:**  Also why is everyone here obsessed with murder jokes?  
**ikilledtheking:**  Is this a Camelot thing?

 **Queenevere:**  Hahaha no  
**Queenevere:**  Its a people around morgana and arthur thing

 **scream my name:**  What are you talking about?

 **Queenevere:**  You and arthur always make jokes about killing each other  
**Queenevere:**  After years of knowing you two now I do it all the time.  
**Queenevere:**  Morris pointed out to me last year

 **ikilledtheking:** Yeah. Merlin does that too.   
**ikilledtheking:** So do the team... But I guess it's only the Knights now that I think about it.

 **scream my name:**  We have infected you all oh my god

 **ikilledtheking:**  Ok, then why are you two obsessed with murder jokes?

 **scream my name:** We just are

 **ikilledtheking:**  There is a story there...

 **scream my name:**  A long one  
**scream my name:**  Not the best if youre looking for dumb distractions

 **Queenevere:**  Yeah why btw?

 **ikilledtheking:** Oh, it's nothing.   
**ikilledtheking:**  My ex called me.  
**ikilledtheking:**  It was unpleasant.

 **pointyWizardry:**  Kara called you?  
**pointyWizardry:** Why?

 **scream my name:**  Wait what?

 **pointyWizardry:**  What did that three day old salad want this time?

 **ikilledtheking:**  Evidently she found out I'm ace.  
**ikilledtheking:**  And had Things to say about it.  
**ikilledtheking:**  I should not have answered.

 **scream my name:**  ????

 **pointyWizardry:**  Are you ok?

 **ikilledtheking:**  No.  
**ikilledtheking:**  Not in the slightest.  
**ikilledtheking:**  Why am I even talking about this?  
**ikilledtheking:**  I need distractions!

 **pointyWizardry:**  For fuck sake...   
**pointyWizardry:**  Why did you let me go on and on about my stupid problems?!

 **ikilledtheking:**  Because they weren't stupid and I care about you.

 **scream my name:**  What problems?

 **pointyWizardry:**  They could have waited.

 **ikilledtheking:**  I didn't want to talk about it.  
**ikilledtheking:**  I don't want to now!

 **pointyWizardry:**  But you just started talking about it

 **ikilledtheking:**  Yes.  
**ikilledtheking:**  As it turns out, it was a bad idea.  
**ikilledtheking:**  Please, just distract me for now?

 **pointyWizardry:**  For now?

 **ikilledtheking:**  Yes. 

 **pointyWizardry:**  Ok ive got something  
**pointyWizardry:**  My mom knows about it now

 **ikilledtheking:**  What? How?

 **scream my name:** WILL YOU TWO EXPLAIN YOURSELVES?!?!?!?!

 **pointyWizardry:**  Kara is an awful person and and gwaine and i are a thing now

 **Queenevere:** Come again?

 **scream my name:**  OMG what kinda thing???

 **pointyWizardry:** Yeah... We're like... a Thing.  
**pointyWizardry:**  But not dating. Like dating but we replace romance with platonic.   
**pointyWizardry:**  Its weird dont question it.

 **ikilledtheking:**  It's not weird.

 **pointyWizardry:**  Okay mordred fine whatever

 **ikilledtheking:**  Not whatever. Stop being mean to yourself.

 **pointyWizardry:**  But you can ignore your own well being?

 **ikilledtheking:**  I'm delaying.

 **pointyWizardry:**  That's not better.

 **ikilledtheking:**  Merlin!

 **pointyWizardry:**  Fine.  
**pointyWizardry:**  Ok, so i sorta slept with gwaine?  
**pointyWizardry:** Except we actually did fall asleep...  
**pointyWizardry:** When we woke up my mom was already home and cooking something in the kitchen  
**pointyWizardry:**  It was fine. The door was closed even though I didn't remember actually closing it.

 **Queenevere:**  Oh no...

 **pointyWizardry:** Oh yes.  
**pointyWizardry:** So i had this plan to sneak him out. Since she totally had no idea that i had a guy in my room.   
**pointyWizardry:**  And it was a magnificent plan i dont care what gwaine says about it  
**pointyWizardry:**  So I go out to the kitchen to execute my Magnificent Plan.   
**pointyWizardry:** Im all hi mother how was your day? It sucks you had to work this weekend. Blah blah blah  
**pointyWizardry:** And mom, cool as a cucumber, plays along asks how my day went   
**pointyWizardry:** And then, with probably the best poker face i have ever seen goes  
**pointyWizardry:**  I made some extra for your friend. Is he staying for dinner?   
**pointyWizardry:**  And I die for the second time today.

 ** **scream my name:**  **That is beautiful

 **ikilledtheking:**  I love your mom.

 **pointyWizardry:** I don't.  
**pointyWizardry:**  Thats a lie.  
**pointyWizardry:**  Shes the best.  
**pointyWizardry:**  And then she says: I closed the door so I wouldn't wake you two.  
**pointyWizardry:**  Which is a blatant lie. She was using the blender

 **ikilledtheking:**  Again, I love your mom so much.

 ** **pointyWizardry:****  And like we were both naked when she closed the door.  
**pointyWizardry:** Thank FUCK under the covers!

 **Queenevere:** That is horrifying.

 **pointyWizardry:**  So gwaine stayed for dinner and the three of us played some cards   
**pointyWizardry:** She likes him.  
**pointyWizardry:**  When he left she told me next time i decide to sneak someone in to make sure they leave before she came home.  
**pointyWizardry:**  Or she would do something much more mortifying  ****  
**pointyWizardry:**  And i, because i am a very very stupid boy, asked what could be worse than this?

 **scream my name:**  Oh merlin  
**scream my name:**  What did she say

 **pointyWizardry:**  I will ask you two how it was.

 **Queenevere:**  Hunith Emrys is secretly a terrifying woman.

 **ikilledtheking:** We should start a new religion worshipping her.

 ** **scream my name** :** I am 100% behind this idea

 **pointyWizardry:**  Meanwhile im dead thrice over...   
**pointyWizardry:** Also this makes me suspect she knows a lot more about the whole edwin thing than she lets on.  
**pointyWizardry:** Which is not something i ever want to think about ever again

 **ikilledtheking:** ... Yeah, no, that is a very unpleasant train of thought all around.

* * *

**Knights of the Oblong Table:**

**Leon:** Gwaine are you coming over or not?!

 **gin-n-tonic:**  shit  
**gin-n-tonic:** no i was at a friends sorry

 **tankthetop:** what friends

 **gin-n-tonic:**  a human friend

 **L-nyan:** tell us more about this "friend"

 **gin-n-tonic:**  no

 **tankthetop:** why not?

 **gin-n-tonic:**  because fuck you, thats why

 **tankthetop:** is it because you dont kiss and tell?

 **Leon:** You ditched me for a hook up i cant believe this

 **PanDragon:** You ditched us for the bog witch before  
**PanDragon:** Also you invited her wtf

 **Leon:** Shes my girlfriend arthur

 **gin-n-tonic:** i didnt ditch you for a hook up  
**gin-n-tonic:**  im not percival

 **tankthetop:** ok do you have a problem?

 **Leon:** You have a boyfriend

 **gin-n-tonic:**  no  
**gin-n-tonic:**  something came up with a friend  
**gin-n-tonic:** why is this so hard to believe

 **tankthetop:**  because its a lie

 **PanDragon:**  And just like that we are talking about gwaines sex life again.  
**PanDragon:** Can somebody please change the subject?

 **Sir Lance:** Did mordred seem okay to you today?

 **L-nyan:** he seemed a bit off yeah...

 **Leon:** He and morgana were laughing their asses off when they arrived at first  
**Leon:** Something about the fourth dimension  
**Leon:**  Apparently they were making fun of merlin

 **PanDragon:** How did those two get so close so fast anyway?

 **gin-n-tonic:**  mordred knew merlin from before

 **PanDragon:** Why does merlin have so many friends?

 **gin-n-tonic:**  everyone likes merlin  
**gin-n-tonic:**  you and percival are the only two with a problem with him

 **tankthetop:** i dont have a problem with merlin

 **PanDragon:** Hes weird and he eats my ice cream  
**PanDragon:**  He ate all my drak chocolate ice cream the other day!

 **gin-n-tonic:**  hate to tell you but i ate that.

 **PanDragon:** It was 600g what the actual fuck?!?

 **gin-n-tonic:**  yea  
**gin-n-tonic:** it was good too

 **PanDragon:** Of course it was!  
**PanDragon:** Thats why i bought it!!!!

 **Sir Lance:** I think we found out why merlin likes to eat your ice cream 

 **gin-n-tonic:** there is nothing like pissing off arthur is there?

 **Leon:** Hahaha

 **PanDragon:**  Oh go die in a hole


	14. The Three Day Old Salad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Refrences to past toxic relationships and some acephobia. Mordred is not having a good time.

**Direct Message** (@ikilledtheking): |  **Direct Message**  (@ikilledtheking):  |  **Direct Message**  (@ikilledtheking):   
---|---|---  
**pointyWizardry:** Ok what the hell did she want? |  **scream my name:**  Whos this girl now? |  **Queenevere:** Do you feel like talking now?  
**ikilledtheking:** Go to OBB |  **ikilledtheking:** Go to OBB. |  **ikilledtheking:** Go to OBB.  
  
* * *

**Ouija Board Bitches:**

**ikilledtheking:** At the same time? Really?  

 **pointyWizardry:** Yes. 

 **ikilledtheking:**  🙄

 **scream my name:**  Who is she?

 **Queenevere:** Dont pressure him

 **ikilledtheking:** Kara is a very self-centred person I dated from summer before 9th grade to mid-late 10th  
**ikilledtheking:** Back when I had no idea.   
**ikilledtheking:** There were issues.  
**ikilledtheking:** So many issues. Just ugh... 

 **scream my name:** She called you?

 **ikilledtheking:** Yes.  
**ikilledtheking:** And I answered.   
**ikilledtheking:** Because I'm stupid.

 **pointyWizardry:**  You should take your own advice sometimes

 **ikilledtheking:**  Answering this call was objectively stupid.  
**ikilledtheking:** And then to _continue_ being on the call...  
**ikilledtheking:** What is wrong with me?!

 **pointyWizardry:**  Do you want me to come over?

 **Queenevere:**  Its 1 am

 **pointyWizardry:** Shit  
**pointyWizardry:** Its ok my mom likes you

 **ikilledtheking:** Don't tell your mom!  
**ikilledtheking:** It's fine.   
**ikilledtheking:** This is fine.

 **pointyWizardry:** Are you sure?

 **ikilledtheking:** Yes.

 **scream my name:** So this Kara girl just called you?

 **ikilledtheking:** I don't even understand how she could have found out.  
**ikilledtheking:**  I'm not out to anyone in Balor.

 **pointyWizardry:** Maybe cerdan said something?

 **ikilledtheking:**  Why?  
**ikilledtheking:** To who?  
**ikilledtheking:**  How would that even make it to Kara?

 **Queenevere:** Is her full name Karalina Dowling?  
**Queenevere:** Strawberry blonde blue eyes  
**Queenevere:** Kinda looks like dove cameron

 **ikilledtheking:** Yeah. How did you know?

 **Queenevere:** Shes sefas friend

 **ikilledtheking:**  Sefa?  
**ikilledtheking:** Sefa Aras? 

 **pointyWizardry:** Yeah she a 9th grader  
**pointyWizardry:**  She moved here a year ago from turkey i think  
**pointyWizardry:** Who is she

 **ikilledtheking:** Her cousin from Izmir.

 **pointyWizardry:** Fun.

 **scream my name:** So what if youre ace  
**scream my name:** Why is she calling you and giving you shit for that

 **pointyWizardry:** Because she is garbage.

 **ikilledtheking:**  She called me sick.

 **Queenevere:**...

 **scream my name:**  ...

 **ikilledtheking:**  Why are people so obsessed with what we are supposed to be?  
**ikilledtheking:** Why is this a thing?   
**ikilledtheking:** It's not oh wow it was so obvious how did we not see?  
**ikilledtheking:** It's oh so I was right, there really was something wrong with you.

 **scream my name:**  That is a horrible thing to say to someone

 **ikilledtheking:** And it's not even that.  
**ikilledtheking:**  She's using this to make me the bad guy again.  
**ikilledtheking:**  To say it was all  _my_ fault because I didn't tell her that I was ace.  
**ikilledtheking:** To say that I never really loved her or cared about her.  
**ikilledtheking:**  She used to put so much pressure on me with that...  
**ikilledtheking:** If I didn't want to do something it was because I didn't actually love her.  
**ikilledtheking:**  And it wasn't that and I couldn't explain it to her and it'd feel like I was the one who kept hurting her and messing up!

 **pointyWizardry:** Im coming over.

 **ikilledtheking:** Yes, please...

 **Queenevere:** How are those two related?  
**Queenevere:**  If someones not into it theyre not end of discussion

 **ikilledtheking:** She had her own issues.

 **pointyWizardry:** Fuck her issues.

 **scream my name:**  There is no excuse for pressuring someone into things they dont want  
**scream my name:**  And she is calling you up for this?  
**scream my name:**  Thats beyond 'issues'

 **Queenevere:**  Thats just nasty.

 **pointyWizardry:**  Apt way to describe her honestly

 **ikilledtheking:** Merlin physically hates her.

 **pointyWizardry:** Of course i hate her  
**pointyWizardry:** I hate her with every fibre of my existence

 **scream my name:**  Cant say im far off... 

 ** **ikilledtheking:**** I was 15 and stupid and I was just...  **  
ikilledtheking:** It wasn't my fault...

 **scream my name:**  Of course not

 **ikilledtheking:**  Why is a part of me still defending her?  
**ikilledtheking:** Just why?  
**ikilledtheking:** I should be angry!  
**ikilledtheking:** I moved to a different city. I haven't thought about her in months!  
**ikilledtheking:**  And she's calling me and bringing it all back?  
**ikilledtheking:** Why am I even answering? I should have just hung up in her face.

 **Queenevere:** But you forgot you could and just took it?

 **ikilledtheking:**  Yes. Because I'm stupid.

 **Queenevere:**  Youre not stupid

 **ikilledtheking:**  I didn't even say anything.  
**ikilledtheking:** Words just stopped existing.  
**ikilledtheking:** Merlin, how long does it take you to walk the two fucking meters between our places?

 **pointyWizardry:** I am literally outside your room  
**pointyWizardry:** Take off your headphones and unlock the door?

 **scream my name:**  Is he hugging you?  
**scream my name:**  You better be.

 **pointyWizardry:** Of course i am.  
**pointyWizardry:** Whats wrong with you?  
**pointyWizardry:** He says he wants an octo tomorrow  
**pointyWizardry:** Whats that?

 **scream my name:**  Octoh  
**scream my name:**  An octopus hug.  
**scream my name:**  Obviously.

 **pointyWizardry:** You guys have a name for it now?

 **scream my name:**  Yeah  
**scream my name:**  Jealous?

 **pointyWizardry:** Little bit?

 **ikilledtheking:** I'd just like to go on record to say I'm going to punish him for that comment by making him cuddle me to sleep.  
**ikilledtheking:** Merlin wants it on the record that that's why he's even here.  
**ikilledtheking:** Listen, guys, we're gonna watch Knights of the Round Table. We'll meet at Morgana's tomorrow?

 **Queenevere:** Ok.  
**Queenevere:** Are you feeling better?

 **ikilledtheking:**  Much.  
**ikilledtheking:** Thanks for listening.   
**ikilledtheking:** Good night.

 **scream my name:** See you tomorrow

 **ikilledtheking:**  💙


	15. The Green Eyed Monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **tankthetop:** first barf  
>  **tankthetop:** and second i call best man
> 
>  **Sir Lance:** Shouldnt it be arthur?
> 
>  **Leon:** Nobodys getting married

**Knights of the Oblong Table:**

**PanDragon:** I dont think im ever going to get used to freya muriden showing up at my house

**L-nyan:**  dnd?

**PanDragon:**  I think so  
**PanDragon:**  I just let her in  
**PanDragon:**  This is very weird.

**Leon:**  Morganas not even there

**PanDragon:**  What?

**Leon:** Well be heading there soon tho

******PanDragon:** Fucking hell...  
**PanDragon:** She couldn't let me know when shes leaving?

**Sir Lance:**  How inattentive are your parents?

**Leon:**  They know shes here.  
**Leon:** My mom invited her over for breakfast when they bumped into each other at the grocery store

**tankthetop:**  you two are so domestic its disgusting

****PanDragon:**** You have no idea **  
** **PanDragon:**  They are basically married  
**PanDragon:**  His nephew calls her aunt morgana

**Sir Lance:**  I stan.

**L-nyan:**  i think we all stan

**tankthetop:**  first barf  
**tankthetop:**  and second i call best man

**Sir Lance:**  Shouldnt it be arthur?

**Leon:**  Nobodys getting married

**PanDragon:**  Aunt.  
**PanDragon:**  Morgana.

**Leon:**  Says a three year old

**tankthetop:**  honestly if you two eloped on her birthday it wouldnt surprise me

**Leon:**  What would be the point of doing that?

 **gin-n-tonic:**  wait  
**gin-n-tonic:** THAT is your point against eloping?

**tankthetop:**  i will buy you a new laptop if you can honestly say you arent snuggled up on the couch right now

**Leon:**  Fuck off.  
**Leon:**  How are those two even the same thing?

**Sir Lance:**  Is he right tho?

**Leon:**  ...Yes

**L-nyan:** oh my god.

**PanDragon:** Its not hard to guess that

**tankthetop:** yea thats how they study in the seniors lounge

**gin-n-tonic:** can confirm

**Leon:** And you make barf noises  
**Leon:**  Ever singe time.

**tankthetop:**  because its disgusting

**Leon:**  Morgana says shes going to pinch your cheeks

**tankthetop:**  yeah well tell her to get fucked

**Sir Lance** **:**  Just to be safe  
**Sir Lance:**  She isnt looking at this right?

**Leon:**  I just told her percy was calling us disgusting again

**gin-n-tonic:** he does that a lot  
**gin-n-tonic:** even in the middle of class

 **L-nyan:** seriously?

 **Leon:** Yeah  
**Leon:** Doest bother me tho

 **tankthetop:**  nothing bothers you  
**tankthetop:** really have you ever had a fight?

 **PanDragon:** Nope

 **Leon:**  There was that big fight in 10th grade  
**Leon:**  Aside from that not really

 **PanDragon:** That doest count

**Sir Lance:**  What fight? 

**gin-n-tonic:**  what was it about?

**Leon:**  Merlin

**Sir Lance:** Merlin?!

**Leon:**  I was slightly jealous

**tankthetop:**  ...slightly

**Leon:**  Very jealous

**PanDragon:**  And grumpy

**Leon:**  In my defence we were together all summer and then suddenly she was fawning over some freshman and ignoring me

**Sir Lance:**  Its understandable  
**Sir Lance:** Hes her best friend  
**Sir Lance:**  He chewed my ear off at camp that summer

 **Leon:**  Sure it made sense afterwards once we talked and everything.  
**Leon:**  But it went from spending all free time together to just common classes the day school started  
**Leon:** And I didnt know him back then

**gin-n-tonic:** you asked her to stop spending time with merlin?

**L-nyan:**  thats bold

**Leon:**  I just wanted her to stop ignoring me

**PanDragon:**  If you had actually said that there wouldnt have been a fight  
**PanDragon:** You just came off as weirdly possessive  
**PanDragon:**  And she got weirdly defensive

 **Leon:**  It was 10th grade give us a break

 **PanDragon:** Yet i could still tell you two were being really stupid despite being even younger

**Sir Lance:**  Why wouldnt this count as a fight tho?

**PanDragon:**  Because they made up in five sentences.  
**PanDragon:**  And two of them were 'oh'  
**PanDragon:**  The fact that it took them over a day to stop huffing is besides the point

**tankthetop:** so you arent even a little jealous of him still?  
**tankthetop:** i find that hard to believe

**Leon:**  Not jealous   
**Leon:**  Envious maybe  
**Leon:**  Of how close they are

**PanDragon:**  Nobody can compete with merlin on that  
**PanDragon:**  Except maybe gwen

**gin-n-tonic:**  and you

**L-nyan:**  and after this just no fights 

**Leon:** We get along  
**Leon:**  Idk what else to tell you

**L-nyan:**  your relationship is just pure fluff isnt it

**Leon:** Sounds accurate

* * *

**Direct Message**  (@PanDragon):

**scream my name:**  Why are you sulking in your room?  
**scream my name:**  Come and play cards against humanity with us

**PanDragon:**  Not sulking

**scream my name:**  What are you doing then

**PanDragon:**  Homework

**scream my name:**  What homework

**PanDragon:**  Chemistry

**scream my name:**  Bullshit  
**scream my name:**  Youve been sulking all day 

**PanDragon:**  Because i have a lot of homework im too stupid for

**scream my name:**  You really expect gaius to explain anything properly?

**PanDragon:**  Nobody else seems to be having a problem

**scream my name:**  Who cares?  
**scream my name:**  He sucks.  
**scream my name:**  Come downstairs  
**scream my name:**  Ill help you with your homework later

**PanDragon:**  Im not a child i can do it by myself

**scream my name:**  Ok one thats not how needing help works  
**scream my name:**  And two if youre so grown up what did you have for breakfast this morning?

**PanDragon:**  >:(

**scream my name:**  Im kidding  
**scream my name:**  Youre not a child  
**scream my name:**  But i do have all my worksheets from last year

**PanDragon:** Thats cheating

**scream my name:**  Homework is for completion it doesnt matter  
**scream my name:**  Write the answers wrong if youd like

**PanDragon:** Still cheating

**scream my name:**  None of those questions are going to help you understand and if you did understand they would only be tedious  
**scream my name:** That homework is meaningless  
**scream my name:**  And knowing gauis way too much to finish in one day

**PanDragon:** I started yesterday

**scream my name:**  No you didnt

**PanDragon:**  >:(

**scream my name:**  Just come downstairs  
**scream my name:**  Mordred brought a custom round table deck  
**scream my name:**  Which he has.  
**scream my name:**  Somehow.

**PanDragon:**  Isnt 7 people is a bit too many

**scream my name:**  I dont think so...  
**scream my name:** But we can be a team!   
**scream my name:** 6 is fine  
**scream my name:** Also leon might need some back up agaist us weirdos

**PanDragon:**  You are a terrible influence

**scream my name:** Please?????  


**PanDragon:**  Fine

**scream my name:**  <3 <3 <3


	16. North American Bathroom Stalls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **pointyWizardry:** It has like hot sauce and sprite and cheeto dust and i think whipped cream and some other things
> 
>  **gin-n-tonic:** ... excuse me?
> 
>  **pointyWizardry:** I dont have an explanation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you don't get the round table thing, check the end notes. :)

**Direct Message** (@gin-n-tonic):

 **pointyWizardry:** Do you know knights of the round table?

 **gin-n-tonic:**  the bbc show?  
**gin-n-tonic:**  not as much as arthur or elyan but yes  
**gin-n-tonic:** why

 **pointyWizardry:** Ok so...  
**pointyWizardry:** I am 99.9% sure that mordred and morgana are reincarnations of katie and alexander

 **gin-n-tonic:**  ... holly shit  
**gin-n-tonic:**  they even look like them!

 **pointyWizardry:** They act so much like katie and alexander that its creepy

 **gin-n-tonic:**  you say that like you three werent basically series 1 katie colin and angel before

 **pointyWizardry:** Oh i am an immortal warlock thats for sure except i would never poison my friend because a dragon said so.  
**pointyWizardry:** But that just means they are going to destroy everything i care about  
**pointyWizardry:**  You should watch your back around those two

 **gin-n-tonic:**  i just stubbed my toe and its entirely your fault  
**gin-n-tonic:**  im pretty sure mordred wont run me through  
**gin-n-tonic:**  i could see morgana torturing me to death

 **pointyWizardry:** Are you telling me you ship eoin and colin?

 **gin-n-tonic:** yes.

 **pointyWizardry:** I approve.  
**pointyWizardry:** And like they both call gwen your majesty now  
**pointyWizardry:** Its like a thing about elyan and the sims?

 **gin-n-tonic:**  hahahhahah

 **pointyWizardry:** Morgana just said mordred her proudest warrior   
**pointyWizardry:** Im going to cry

 **gin-n-tonic:**  what could possibly be the context for that comment?

 **pointyWizardry:**  Leon and arthur dared him to drink this evil concoction  
**pointyWizardry:**  It has like hot sauce and sprite and cheeto dust and i think whipped cram and some other things

 **gin-n-tonic:**  ... excuse me?

 **pointyWizardry:** I dont have an explanation

 **gin-n-tonic:**  please tell me they have been drinking  
**gin-n-tonic:**  otherwise i dont think i can go on living

 **pointyWizardry:**  Oh definitely

 **gin-n-tonic:**  also off topic i just realised your name is a round table reference

 **pointyWizardry:**  Ahaha  
**pointyWizardry:**  I mean it is a pretty stupid reference

 **gin-n-tonic:**  worse than knights of the OBLONG table?

 **pointyWizardry:**  At least that one makes sense  
**pointyWizardry:** But how did you get Percival ihateallthingsfandom Kelchglas to agree to that?

 **gin-n-tonic:**  he doesnt know

 **pointyWizardry:** What?!  
**pointyWizardry:** How is that even possible?!

 **gin-n-tonic:**  yeah i dont know  
**gin-n-tonic:** weve been waitng for a year and a half for him to figure it out   
**gin-n-tonic:**  we're all low key scared of whats gonna happen...

 **pointyWizardry:**  Thats some alexander level betrayal right there

 **gin-n-tonic:** i mean... james sorta had it coming

 **pointyWizardry:**  Because percy doesnt?

 **gin-n-tonic:**  cant argue there haha  
**gin-n-tonic:**  what are you drunk idiots doing now?

 **pointyWizardry:**  Im not drunk  
**pointyWizardry:**  But morganas climbing on leons back  
**pointyWizardry:**  Leon is trying not to topple over   
**pointyWizardry:**  He is just so wasted wow...  
**pointyWizardry:**  Arthur and mordred are in the process of dying from laughter  
**pointyWizardry:**  Gwen and freya are watching bernatte banner which is weird on so many levels. 

 **gin-n-tonic:**  you all need some adult supervision :P

 **pointyWizardry:**  We have leon  
**pointyWizardry:** Hes 18. It counts

 **gin-n-tonic:**  no it doesnt 

 **pointyWizardry:** Dont be a buzz kill  
**pointyWizardry:**  As if youre so responsible  
**pointyWizardry:**  What are you doing right now

 **gin-n-tonic:**  actually im looking at unis with my dad 

 **pointyWizardry:**  Ok i take that back

 **gin-n-tonic:**  ye no dont hes forcing me

 **pointyWizardry:**  Shoudve known

 **gin-n-tonic:**  he reaaaaly wants me to go to the uk  
**gin-n-tonic:**  which is dumb and way too much work

 **pointyWizardry:**  He probably wants you closer

 **gin-n-tonic:**  its cheaper to go back to canada

 **pointyWizardry:**  Why dont you stay here then?  
**pointyWizardry:**  Isnt that even cheaper?

 **gin-n-tonic:**  not as a rule  
**gin-n-tonic:** plus theres the language barrier here  
**gin-n-tonic:** thats why he wants me to go to the uk **  
**

**pointyWizardry:**  You speak fine.   
**pointyWizardry:**  You just have an accent

 **gin-n-tonic:**  day to day conversation yeah but you dont see me in class  
**gin-n-tonic:** academic language is something different entirely   
**gin-n-tonic:**  sometimes in class i just short circuit while trying to translate  
**gin-n-tonic:** and i have read really slow to understand any of it

 ** **pointyWizardry:**  **I guess...  
****pointyWizardry:**  **But lance doesnt get like that

 **gin-n-tonic:** hes lived here almost half his life  
**gin-n-tonic:**...actually so have i now that i count   
**gin-n-tonic:** but like 3+6+6+2 is not 8+8

 ** ** **pointyWizardry:**  ****Its obviously not too bad  
******pointyWizardry:**  ****Why do you wanna go so far away

 **gin-n-tonic:**  im only applying to schools in ontario  
**gin-n-tonic:**  so its not THAT far

 **pointyWizardry:**  Literally nine hours by plane

 **gin-n-tonic:** thats nothing. we go between van and camelot every other year **  
**gin-n-tonic:**** connecting flight takes around 15-18 hrs  
**gin-n-tonic:** 9hrs to torronto 5hrs to vancouver plus layover

 **pointyWizardry:**  Five hours for a domestic flight?   
**pointyWizardry:**  No way  
**pointyWizardry:** That cant be true!  
**pointyWizardry:**  Ok it is true what the actual fuck?!  
**pointyWizardry:**  Canada is too big!

 **gin-n-tonic:**  hahahahaha

 **pointyWizardry:**  That is too FUCKING big!  
**pointyWizardry:**  Five hours?!   
**pointyWizardry:**  You can DRIVE to balor and BACK in that time! 

 **gin-n-tonic:**  stop making me laugh my dads gonna get mad at me

 **pointyWizardry:**  STOP BREAKING MY BRAIN!!!

 **gin-n-tonic:**  im not breaking anything  
**gin-n-tonic:**  its europes fault for being so tiny  
**gin-n-tonic:**  seriously everything is like shrunk to 0.8 size over here!

 **pointyWizardry:**  We are the correct size  
**pointyWizardry:**  Excuse you.

 **gin-n-tonic:**  :P

 **pointyWizardry:** And now morganas raging about north american bathroom stalls  
**pointyWizardry:** Send help  
**pointyWizardry:** And freyas agreeing???  
**pointyWizardry:**  What do they even mean? What gap?

 ** **gin-n-tonic:**  **oh that? **  
gin-n-tonic:**  theres like a gap between the door and where its hinged  
**gin-n-tonic:**  and the doors are higher off the ground and about as tall as percival

 **pointyWizardry:**  A gap around the door?

 **gin-n-tonic:**  yes

 **pointyWizardry:**  Like you can see the other side?

 **gin-n-tonic:**  yes.   
**gin-n-tonic:**  google american bathroom stall gap youll see

 **pointyWizardry:**  Ok...  
**pointyWizardry:**  WHY?!

 **gin-n-tonic:** just the way it is idk  
**gin-n-tonic:** why do people keep asking me  
**gin-n-tonic:**  its not like i made the stalls that way

 **pointyWizardry:**  Good point  
**pointyWizardry:**  Now gwen is throughly horrified oh my god

 **gin-n-tonic:** sorry im missing all the fun

 **pointyWizardry:**  Id invite you but gwen banned boyfriend tagalongs **  
**

**gin-n-tonic:** but im not your boyfriend ;) **  
**

**pointyWizardry:**  Yes but then she pointed her finger at me and said "and no gwaine either i will cut you with that knife"  
**pointyWizardry:**  There was a knife

 **gin-n-tonic:** but why me? **  
****gin-n-tonic:** all id do is make an inappropriate joke

 **pointyWizardry:**  You would invite gwen to bed with us.

 **gin-n-tonic:**  yea  
**gin-n-tonic:**  as a joke

 **pointyWizardry:** Why are we friends again?

 **gin-n-tonic:** because im hilarious **  
**

**pointyWizardry:** :P

 **gin-n-tonic:** hey i kinda have to go  
**gin-n-tonic:**  my dads saying im not paying enough attention

 **pointyWizardry:**  Will you pay enough attention if youre not texting?

 **gin-n-tonic:**  no but he doesnt know that  
**gin-n-tonic:**  talk later?

 **pointyWizardry:**  Yeah sure  
**pointyWizardry:**  Bye

 **gin-n-tonic:**  bye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of the cast of BBC Merlin:
> 
> Arthur— Bradley James (I will not call anyone King Bradley so King James it is!)  
> Merlin— Colin Morgan  
> Gwen— Angel Coulby  
> Morgana— Katie McGrath  
> Gwaine— Eoin Macken  
> Mordred— Alexander Vlahos
> 
> I hope it is obvious to anyone reading that I'm not talking about the actors when the characters reference these names. I'm not trying to comment on actual real people. That would be a really messed up. The characters are literally talking about their own canonical story.


	17. Parents and Gene Doners

**Direct Message** (@pointyWizardry):

 **scream my name:** I need your opinion on something  
**scream my name:** Are you awake?

 **pointyWizardry:** Yea

 **scream my name:** So i was just comparing notes with arthur and…  
**scream my name:** Apparently uthers real problem was just me and arthur.

 **pointyWizardry:** Thats considerably less awful  
**pointyWizardry:** Its still stupid tho

 **scream my name:** Could it be about Vivien?

 **pointyWizardry:** What? **  
** **pointyWizardry:** No  
**pointyWizardry:** Come on the man is raising you.

 **scream my name:** Only because of what my father was to him

 **pointyWizardry:** What that isn't true

 **scream my name:** He sure as hell never lets me forget it...  
**scream my name:** Besides is it that unthinkable for him to freak over the possibility of her daughter and his son ending up together?

 **pointyWizardry:** It is unthinkable.

 **scream my name:** Hmm… 

 **pointyWizardry:** Seriously i dont think its any of that  
**pointyWizardry:** Just run o the mill dad doesnt want hormonal teens having sex marathons while hes gone  
**pointyWizardry:** Or like 'youre both technically my kids dont fuck its weird' kinda thing

 **scream my name:** I know thats more likely but  
**scream my name:** Idk  
**scream my name:** Leon thinks its more than that

 **pointyWizardry:** Wait.  
**pointyWizardry:** HE said this was about vivien to you???

 **scream my name:** Not exactly. He thinks theres something more

 **pointyWizardry:** What does arthur think?

 **scream my name:** Im not about to tell him what leon said and get in his head

 **pointyWizardry:** Leon shouldnt have gotten into YOUR head

 **scream my name:** I dont know.  
**scream my name:** Maybe that wasnt what he meant

 **pointyWizardry:** What exactly did he say?

 **scream my name:** Drinking mostly  
**scream my name:** Arthur weirdly hit it off with freya and gwen. We mostly kept to ourselves  
**scream my name:** But like he asked if id spoken to arthur  
**scream my name:** I told him i hadnt and he was like  
**scream my name:** Good never mind what i said i was being stupid.  
**scream my name:** And he got this look on his face when i asked him why it was so important.  
**scream my name:** He also called uther shady before which he is but its a weird thing to point out

 **pointyWizardry:** Shady. 

 **scream my name:** Yep

 **pointyWizardry:** I think thats more applicable to leon

 **scream my name:** He knows something.

 **pointyWizardry:** You realise it is entirely possible leon is talking out of his ass

 **scream my name:** He wouldnt lie

 **pointyWizardry:** But he could be mistaken  
**pointyWizardry:** Does it really matter tho?  
**pointyWizardry:** Its not like youre attracted to arthur 

 **scream my name:** No of course im not attracted to him.  
**scream my name:** Youre right  
**scream my name:** Im being stupid  
**scream my name:** Its only uther being a dick  
**scream my name:** I just need sleep  
**scream my name:** Sorry to bother you.

 **pointyWizardry:** Why do i get the feeling you meant absolutely none of that?

 **pointyWizardry:** Morgana answer me!

* * *

**Knights of the Oblong Table:**

**PanDragon:** Can i sleep over at anyones house?

 **Sir Lance:** Whats going on?

 **PanDragon:** Yelling what else?  
**PanDragon:** I cant take it anymore  
**PanDragon:** Please anyone?  
**PanDragon:** Im fine with a patch of floor.

 **tankthetop:** dont be so dramatic.  
**tankthetop:** you can have the guest bed here

 **PanDragon:** Thanks

 **tankthetop:** on my way

 **PanDragon:** No you dont have to pick me up

 **tankthetop:** i know but i will anyway

 **PanDragon:** Seriously ill take the bus or ill call a taxi

 **tankthetop:** too late  
**tankthetop:** in the car  
**tankthetop:** be there in less than 10

 **PanDragon:** …  
**PanDragon:** Thank you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! I'm not dead! Life has just been really busy and all I had time for was haphazard one shots. 
> 
> Until now that is! But also not for long unfortunately. Hopefully I'll be able to update my other long fic as well before classes start up again. Fingers crossed.


End file.
